• How far parents should interfere with the choices of the youngsters? This is the point at issue here. And I call it ‘transparenting’

Dr. Jernail Singh Anand

Very small kids are taken care of by their parents. It is necessary also to allow them adequate space and care to grow. But once they start growing up, in the very early youth, they start having their own views. Here, parents and young men and women are often found to come into clash. Parents want to enforce the rule of custom on the youngsters, whereas the youngsters want freedom of choice and action.

Young boys and girls at the age of 17 or 18 want to lead the life their own way and are often seen to revolt and leave their homes.

How far parents should interfere with the choices of the youngsters? This is the point at issue here. And I call it ‘transparenting’.

Parents should be transparent in their demands on their growing up children.

Parents have authority over their young children who are growing up. But how far and to what extent it can be justified?

The youngsters are not always wrong in their choices, and parents are not always right in what they think should go with the custom and social ethos.

In the name of family honour, tradition, people try to force the youngsters into submission, and force them to follow choices which they do not like. And the result is a disastrous life story.

It often happens with career choice, and then, the choice of partners.

Growing up young men and women want to lead a life of freedom. Parents want them to get hooked and married. Once married, family wisdom has it that the girl gets pregnant as soon as possible. Well, a strange logic works here. So that the man cannot run away from the marital bond.

The lives of the youngsters who follow the choices of their parents, are not necessarily very happy, because they have to accept people and situations which they have never liked. If you have to live with a partner you don’t like, you can imagine what type of a life you will be living. It will be dissatisfied and full of jerks, fears, and tears too. What is the fun of forcing them into relationships which are based entirely on considerations which are incompatible with the mental constitution of the young ones? Money, education, job, family status, lands have nothing to do with a good choice of a partner.

I think the disorder and confusion which our young generation faces, is mostly due to the fact that the parents try to force their choices on them. They are doing things they do not like. They are living with men and women they do not like. And such a life creates people who have no love even for their parents who forced them into wrong unions.

I think it is better if parents stand back, and see what their offspring wants. Let them have freedom and stop them only if they are going entirely out of the way. There has to be a very large space for them to act, even if they are a bit wrong. I want transparency, in the actions of the parents. It is time we should think out of the box and allow freedom to the young ones to make their choices.

If the parents are considerate, the youngsters will share their minds with them. The young ones too must listen to the advice of the parents, but they need not accept it if it violates their mental priorities.

We need a growing up society of men and women who are at ease with their decisions. Parents are the major road block which disturbs the flow of youthful life. We need to provide a jerk free life to them, so that they could create some great ideas and do great things. Good parents will not interfere with their inner lives. Rather, give them freedom to live the way they want, so that they could have a life style conducive to creativity. We should remember that confusions in social ranks is the result of wrong choices for which parents are mainly responsible.

Read: ETHICS & PUBLIC MORALITIES

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Dr. Jernail Singh Anand, based in Chandigarh, is an Indian poet and scholar credited with 170 plus books of English literature, philosophy and spirituality. He won great Serbian Award Charter of Morava and his name adorns the Poets’ Rock in Serbia. He was honored with Seneca Award LAUDIS CHARTA by Academy of Arts & Philosophical Sciences, Bari, Italy 2024. He is Founder President of the International Academy of Ethics and conferred Doctor of Philosophy (Honoris Causa) by University of Engineering & Management, (UEM) Jaipur. Email anandjs55@yahoo.com 

Biblio-link: https://sites.google.com/view/bibliography-dr-jernal-singh/home   

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From Our Correspondent

Sukkur Sindh 

The Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science Khairpur Medical College, Khairpur Mirs arranged the 2-day symposium on Parenting and Mental Health issues of young generation.

The symposium was attended by consultant psychiatrists, leading consultant physicians, Pediatricians, Cardiologists and including Vice chancellor of Indus medical college, Ex-DHO Khairpur and Current MS Khairpur civil hospital, Vice principal KMC, head of NICVD Sukkur and almost all head of departments of KMC and GMMMC, Postgraduate trainees, IT head, Non-teaching staff and students.

The brief speech and introduction of theme and speakers was given by Dr. Haresh Kumar Makhija while Dr. Moti Ram Bhatia talked about effects of screening on kids and how addiction is destroying our young generation. The digital videos by Dr. Bhatia were very informative and life lessons.

Dr. Jawed Akbar Dars tried to de-stigmatize the mental health issues and he presented his own souvenirs to the students who recite verses of holy Quran and Naat.

Dr. Muhammad Zeeshan took interactive session on parenting and saw few patients as well, he spent time with the students to clear their queries from all aspects.

DNP Dr. Muhammad Iqbal Afirdi involved everyone in conversation with talk on mental health in young generation and how to screen anxiety and depression in short time.

He showed his marked concern about the mental health of the policy makers in the assemblies and other higher authoritative bodies for the sake of our country.

In the last top 3 students, moderators, organizers and guests were awarded with shields and souvenirs.

Dr. Pirbho Mal Makhija president SMWA expressed his views about the symposium.

Prof. Kalsoom Azad lashari Vice Principal KMC paid vote of thanks.

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Every parent has to treat their children equally. We have to change the perspective of ancient thinking which is no more logical – the thinking that there must be a cage for a daughter.

Public Opinion

Parents generally impose restrictions on their daughters, presumably for their good future and the right path but why they do not restrict their sons who must have developed a lot of bad habits including smoking, and without informing their parents they go out all day. They do not say a single word to their sons because, according to a dominant factor, the boys are their successors. If a girl goes out, it does not mean she is slut. Even, she has the right to live her life in her own way but their parents build a beautiful cage for her to survive inside it without knowing that she can fly high with luminous color beyond the clouds to make their parents proud. Alas!

The conservative society and the narrow-minded people would not leave a girl to feel free and fly high. I am of the opinion that the role of our mothers is very important in everyone’s life. If she is positive, so the result will be, but if she loves her pride, it means other things haven’t any value.

The Sigmund Freud has used a term ‘Oedipal complex’, also known as the Oedipus complex, in his theory of psychosexual stages of development to describe a child’s feelings of desire for his or her opposite-sex parent and jealousy and anger toward his or her same-sex parent. It has been proved in Oedipus complex that the reason mothers love their sons rather than daughters, is logical.

However, there are equal rights for both genders in Islam and humanities. So, no one has the right to neglect their daughters or a girl in this society. We have to make our society to think positively and help those who are helpless. We have to change the perspective of ancient thinking which is no more logical – the thinking that there must be a cage for a daughter.

Every parent has to treat their children equally.

Maria Khushk

Hyderabad, Sindh

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