By Desiree’ Francis / Sapan News

In a quiet yet modern corner of Dubai, in a home fragrant with karak chai and dhoklas and the recurring sound of Coke Studio Music playing on Youtube, lives a woman who has defied every expectation the world had set for her. Me. Pakistani. Tamilian. Married to an Indian. Gujrati. A quiet miracle of contradictions but a mother above all else.

I was born in Karachi, raised with the poetry of Faiz Ahmed Faiz and Tina Sani’s ghazals and the passed down ache of a generation that learned both pride and pain from Partition. A place where every street corner holds a memory, where cricket is a religion and mangoes are a season-long celebration. I never imagined that one day, I would raise a child fathered by a man from a country my schoolbooks painted with caution — India.

But here we are.

A twist of fate, a marriage across borders, and a home built in peacetime but raised in the shadow of history — that’s the story I rarely tell, but always live.

Our daughter, Ileana Ann, was born in Dubai. However, now, at two years old. She’s being taught to know the anthem of India better than “Dil Dil Pakistan”. Just beginning to string together words, tottering between rooms with a giggle that sounds the same in any language. Born with a passport that bears the tricolor — yet half her heartbeat echoes from across the Wagah border.

Ileana doesn’t yet know what borders are. Her world is small — it fits within the curve of my arms. Her identity, still unformed, lies somewhere between the poetry of Faiz and Taarek Mehta Ka Ulta Chashma in Hindi on television. She says “Mama” with the sweetness of Karachi, and “Dadda” with the accent of a Gujju.

I watch our daughter closely — with pride, with love, and sometimes, with a pang that I hide behind a kiss on the forehead.

I am raising her the only way I know — with Pakistani values of respect, restraint, and reverence stitched into every prayer, every spoonful of food, every softly spoken “Grace” before a meal. My home may be Indian in numbers, but its soul carries echoes of Pakistan — where hospitality is sacred and heartbreaks have their own hospitality.

When Ileana claps at the TV during India’s Independence Day parade, I clap with her. I don’t want to dim her joy. But deep inside, a small voice asks, Will she ever know the green in her blood?

I’m not bitter — just quietly aware. Aware that the world will see Ileana as Indian — only Indian. That when she excels in life, when she recites her first poem or waves her first flag, the applause will go to India. As it should. But it will also sting a little — because woven into every word she will ever speak is the music of a mother who still whispers stories of Karachi’s Quaid Mazar and Sea View at bedtime.

My greatest fear isn’t that my daughter will grow up Indian. It’s that she will one day have to choose. Between a mother who speaks of another homeland, and a country that taught her to stand at attention for another anthem. I know deep in the quiet chambers of my heart that one day my daughter will grow into a force of her own. I imagine her doing great things in life. Maybe on a stage, or maybe behind a desk, or standing at the frontlines of something brave and meaningful. And when she does, when the world applauds her, when India claims her as its proud daughter, I will smile through misty eyes and clap the loudest. Because greatness, after all, is every mother’s dream — no matter the flag.

I really won’t mind if India takes the credit. I’ll be her biggest cheerleader when she makes India proud, even if the headlines never mention the fact that I was the one who folded resilience into her nap-time, who whispered courage into her innocent ears. My love isn’t hungry for recognition — it only hopes for remembrance. So, every night, as I watch Ileana sleep, I pray: May she never have to choose between her Mother and Mother India. May her roots not become ropes pulling her apart!

Because what I am really planting is something neither side of the border has quite mastered — peace. Not the kind signed on paper, but the kind built one cradle-song at a time.

And maybe, just maybe, one day when Ileana grows up and someone asks her what makes her who she is, she’ll say:

“I am the daughter of a Pakistani mother and my motherland India. And I didn’t have to choose. “That’s the punch.

Not in protest — but in peace.

Not in victory — but in balance.

Not in choosing sides — but in embracing them.

Read: Breakfast in Lahore, Lunch in Amritsar, & Dinner in Bangalore

__________________

Desiree’ Francis is a former Pakistani journalist, radio presenter, and peace advocate based in Dubai. She spearheaded the “Aman Ki Asha – Indo-Pak Peace Song” and the DJ Dez Show outreach, using music and intercommunity engagement to promote friendship between Indians and Pakistanis in the United Arab Emirates.

Lead image: ​​Wedding photo of radio presenter and peace advocate, Desiree Francis, and her two-year-old daughter, Ileana Ann. Photo supplied.

Courtesy: Sapan News

The post Between the Borders and Blessings first appeared on Sindh Courier.

Being a daughter…

Isn’t just about being born.

It’s about—

Carrying your own silence

Like a second skin.

Nisar Banbhan, a seasoned poet and writer, based in Karachi, the capital city of Sindh shares his poetry 

Hailing from Village Mir Muhammad Banbhan, Taluka Mirwah, District Khapurpur and based in Karachi, the capital of Sindh, Nisar Banbhan is a seasoned professional with nearly 25 years of multifaceted experience, encompassing 3 years in journalism and over two decades of service in a public sector organization. His extensive expertise spans content creation, scriptwriting, screenwriting, lyrics, poetry, and storytelling across multiple languages, including Sindhi, Urdu, and English. Nisar has honed his skills in writing articles, columns, and short stories, contributing to various national and regional media outlets. Additionally, he brings a deep understanding of program development, educational advocacy, and strategic planning, having led initiatives that promote quality education and foster community empowerment. His passion for literature and education merges seamlessly, enabling him to craft impactful narratives that resonate with diverse audiences while driving meaningful change in society.

Being a Daughter… Isn’t Easy

You know…

Being a daughter…

Isn’t just about being born.

It’s about—

Carrying your own silence

Like a second skin.

It’s about wanting

But not choosing.

About dreaming—

But not asking.

It’s about tying your voice

Into a soft little knot…

So it doesn’t echo louder

Than your father’s expectations.

It’s about nodding,

Again and again—

Not because you agree,

But because your mother’s eyes

Are full of worry…

And your brother’s pride

Sits like a nameplate

You dare not scratch.

Even freedom

Comes dressed in someone else’s smile.

Even choices

Are folded neatly

To fit inside

The comfort of others.

And those dreams?

The ones she drew with crayons

On invisible walls—

She trades them.

For peace.

For pride.

For permission.

She says “yes”

With lips that learned

How to tremble quietly.

She stays up late,

Deciding

What not to decide.

And if,

Just once,

She chooses for herself—

And the world doesn’t clap

The way she hoped it would…

Then suddenly—

A mistake

Becomes a monument.

A shadow that follows her

Into every room,

Into every silence.

They remind her.

Over and over.

Like her error was not a wound—

But a crime.

And yet,

When parents make the same mistake…

All it takes is one sigh:

“Perhaps… it was fate.”

Tell me—

Why is it so difficult

For a daughter

To simply…

Breathe?

Why must her joy

Come with a clause?

Why must her laughter

Feel borrowed?

Why must she

Apologize

For wanting to live…

Just a little…

For herself?

By God—

Have you ever really heard

A daughter’s “I’m fine”?

It trembles.

It breaks.

It begs you to notice

The absence of color

In her rainbow.

She smiles—

Not because she’s happy,

But because someone else is.

And even then…

Even after all that—

If she stumbles—

Just once—

The world

Writes her mistake

In stone.

While her brother’s pride

And her father’s name

Stand tall

In the courtroom of her choices.

Being a daughter

Isn’t easy.

It’s not life.

It’s a lifetime of

Gentle suffocation.

A slow surrender.

An endless,

Silent,

Apology—

To her own soul.

_____________ 

Read: Like a Falling Leaf…

The post Being a Daughter… Isn’t Easy first appeared on Sindh Courier.

• Despite legal restrictions and public awareness campaigns, dowry remains a deeply embedded social expectation, often determining a woman’s worth and marriageability

By Abdullah Usman Morai | Sweden

In many cultures, marriage is celebrated as a sacred bond between two individuals and their families. However, for millions across South Asia, the Middle East, and parts of Africa, this union comes with a heavy price tag: the dowry. What began centuries ago as a cultural practice meant to provide women with financial security has, in modern times, mutated into a social evil that breeds discrimination, debt, violence, and despair. Despite legal restrictions and public awareness campaigns, dowry remains a deeply embedded social expectation, often determining a woman’s worth and marriageability. This article explores the origin of dowry, its harmful effects, the rare perceived benefits, cultural dynamics, and pathways to eliminate this regressive tradition.

The Historical Origin of Dowry

Dowry is not a modern invention; it has roots in ancient civilizations. In Ancient Greece and Rome, dowry was a form of inheritance given to daughters since they could not inherit family property. Similarly, in South Asia, dowry was historically meant to support a bride financially in her new household. In theory, it was the woman’s share of her parental wealth, providing her security and dignity.

However, over time, dowry transformed from a voluntary gift into a demanded transaction. With the rise of patriarchal systems, the practice evolved into a tool of control and status. As marriage became a social contract with financial undertones, dowry became a condition rather than a contribution.

The Harmful Impact of Dowry in Contemporary Society

Today, dowry is less about the bride’s well-being and more about satisfying the groom’s family’s financial aspirations. This shift has had devastating consequences:

1. Economic Pressure: Families go into extreme debt to meet dowry demands. In Pakistan and India, it is not uncommon for poor parents to sell their land, livestock, or valuables, pushing entire families into financial ruin.
2. Gender Discrimination: Daughters are seen as liabilities rather than blessings. Many families prefer sons to avoid dowry expenses, leading to sex-selective abortions and skewed gender ratios.
3. Violence and Abuse: Thousands of women face harassment, torture, or even death over dowry disputes. In India alone, over 6,000 dowry-related deaths are reported annually, with countless others unrecorded.
4. Delayed or Denied Marriages: Girls remain unmarried if their families cannot afford the dowry. This leads to emotional trauma, societal exclusion, and in some cases, suicide.
5. Mental Health Struggles: Constant pressure to arrange money for dowry leads to depression and anxiety among parents, while brides suffer from guilt, fear, and shame.

Case Study 1: Ayesha’s Story (Pakistan)

Ayesha, a 24-year-old teacher from rural Sindh, had received multiple marriage proposals. However, each was accompanied by demands for gold, a motorcycle, or cash. Her father, a retired government clerk, could not meet these demands. Eventually, the family had to borrow money from relatives and arrange a minimal dowry. Yet, even after marriage, Ayesha faced daily taunts from her in-laws for not bringing “enough.” Eventually, she returned to her parents’ home, emotionally shattered.

Case Study 2: Nirmala’s Death (India)

Nirmala, a newlywed from Uttar Pradesh, India, was burned alive by her in-laws because her parents failed to deliver an additional refrigerator and scooter after marriage. Her case sparked national outrage but ended in delayed justice, highlighting the legal system’s inefficiency in handling dowry crimes.

Perceived Pros of Dowry (Historical and Cultural)

While dowry is widely condemned today, some societies continue to defend it based on traditional roles:

• Financial Security for Bride: Historically, it served as the bride’s safety net.
• Support for New Household: Some argue that dowry helps couples start married life comfortably.
• Social Status and Respect: Giving dowry is seen as a matter of pride, especially among affluent families.

These reasons, however, crumble under scrutiny in today’s world where women can earn, inherit, and support themselves.

Cons of Dowry (Which Far Outweigh the Pros)

• Reinforces patriarchy and materialism.
• Treats women as commodities.
• Creates unequal marriages based on wealth, not compatibility.
• Leads to systemic violence, corruption, and societal decay.

Global and Cultural Comparisons

Dowry is more prevalent in developing countries, especially:

• South Asia (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal)
• Middle East (in the form of Mahr, though conceptually different)
• Some African and Southeast Asian societies

In contrast, developed nations rarely practice dowry. Reasons include:

• Gender Equality: Women are educated, employed, and economically independent.
• Legal Safeguards: Strict enforcement against gender-based financial coercion.
• Cultural Shifts: Marriage is seen as a partnership, not a transaction.

The Dowry-Marriage Dilemma: When Girls Remain Unmarried

One of the gravest consequences of dowry culture is that many girls remain unmarried due to their parents’ inability to pay. This creates a class of “unwanted” daughters whose only fault is poverty.

To tackle this:

• Shift the Narrative: Promote marriage based on values and compatibility, not wealth.
• Empower Women: Education and employment allow women to define their own worth.
• Redefine Success: Glorify dowry-free marriages as ideal rather than shameful.

A Balanced Approach: If Gifts Are to Be Exchanged

Cultural exchanges at weddings are not inherently evil. Problems arise when they are demanded and conditional. A balanced approach could involve:

• Mutual and voluntary gift exchange.
• No conditions before or after marriage.
• Transparent agreements, if needed, in writing.
• Gifts given to the bride, not the groom’s family, as part of her inheritance.

How to Eliminate Dowry Culture: Solutions and Reforms

1. Legal Enforcement:

o             Strengthen anti-dowry laws.

o             Fast-track dowry-related cases.

o             Penalize both demanding and giving dowry to remove societal pressure.

2. Education and Awareness:

o             Include gender sensitization in school curricula.

o             Conduct public campaigns celebrating dowry-free marriages.

3. Community and Religious Leaders:

o             Mobilize faith-based and local institutions to condemn dowry openly.

o             Promote simple marriage ceremonies.

4. Support for Victims:

o             Establish helplines, shelters, and legal support for dowry harassment victims.

5. Role of Media and Technology:

o             Use social media, films, and influencers to change public perception.

o             Expose dowry-related crimes and create public accountability.

Case Study 3: Dowry-Free Marriages in Kerala (India)

Kerala’s progressive Muslim and Christian communities have promoted “zero-dowry” weddings. Several organizations run campaigns encouraging couples to pledge dowry-free marriages. Young men proudly say, “I didn’t take dowry,” helping change the narrative.

Conclusion

Dowry is a dangerous relic of a bygone era that has no place in a just, modern society. It reduces marriage to a marketplace and women to commodities, undermining the very foundation of love, respect, and partnership. While tradition may be hard to dismantle, change is possible through awareness, courage, and reform. It begins with every parent refusing to give, every groom refusing to take, and every society refusing to normalize. We must marry our daughters with respect, not with price tags. Let dignity, not dowry, be the foundation of every union.

 Read: The Life in a Drop

_________________

Abdullah Soomro, penname Abdullah Usman Morai, hailing from Moro town of Sindh, province of Pakistan, is based in Stockholm Sweden. Currently he is working as Groundwater Engineer in Stockholm Sweden. He did BE (Agriculture) from Sindh Agriculture University Tando Jam and MSc water systems technology from KTH Stockholm Sweden as well as MSc Management from Stockholm University. Beside this he also did masters in journalism and economics from Shah Abdul Latif University Khairpur Mirs, Sindh. He is author of a travelogue book named ‘Musafatoon’. His second book is in process. He writes articles from time to time. 

The post Dowry: The Price of a Daughter first appeared on Sindh Courier.

• If a daughter is to be married off, she has to be trained about the arts which make the marriage successful.
• A daughter has to be a daughter-in-law, and she has to be a mother after that. We have a homegrown tradition of unmarried daughters making life difficult for the Daughter-in-law

Dr. Jernail S. Anand

A girl is looked upon as a daughter, a sister, a daughter-in-law,

A wife, and a mother, and then, as a mother-in-law.

Never as a human being, which she is  

Before being anything else to anyone. 

The universal law extends to every one born to this earth, a sufficient amount of freedom and happiness. However, it is this freedom which is abridged and twisted, so as to cause distress among the ranks of humanity.  Behind the assumed roles in the society, lies a universal spirit called humanity. It is because of a twist in our perception, that the essential humanity of a fellow being is compromised.  An actor, by playing several roles, is actually trying to keep the wolf away. Roles are important, but more important is the man who plays them, for a plethora of reasons. In the same way, in life too, a person assumes several roles, and instead of giving him freedom, joy and happiness, it takes the shape of a deadly struggle for keeping alive.

When it comes to a daughter, we are very sensitive. In India, we consider her ‘Lakshmi’ the goddess of wealth. It is a strange thing that people are always after wealth, but a daughter? Oh no. They want a son after a son. If God listens to every one’s prayer, and he sends only boys, it can be left to imagination what will happen to further progeny of mankind. Will you like to spend on a film in which there is no heroine? What makes a film worthy of watching and spending time and money, is the romance of the lead pair, followed by abduction, and a bitter fight between the hero and the villain. All these ‘thrills’ become possible, if women characters are around. Still, we are obsessed with having baby boys. And a lady who fails to bear a male child, has to suffer several ignominies, including a ‘Souten’ [co-wife].

Daughters

We love our daughters, and this love is essentially protective. I am focusing on how we bring them up. We want them to be educated. We want them to be able to face life. We want them to be bold. We want them to get higher education and qualify for a good job. And then, the girl joins some service also. Now, she is of marriageable age. We take pride in her qualifications. She is getting her salary home also. And, as she is the only daughter, she is pampered also. Most of the times, she is un-listening. Self-opinionated. And does not care for the parents. She takes her own decisions. She sometimes falls in love with a boy. Now, it is a matter of the family honor. She is told strictly by the father to honor the family traditions. And ninety nine out of hundred daughters surrender before the pressure of the parents to accept in marriage a man of their [parents’] choice. There is only one case in a hundred where a girl goes against the wishes of the parents, and marries a person of her choice, and is then, killed for ‘honor’.

Marital [not martial] training to Daughters

What we teach our daughters of marriage is almost nil. In olden times, mothers used to force the idea of the ‘real home’ of the girl being the house of her in-laws. And, they were also instructed to be obedient and helpful to the parents-in-law. But, nowadays, mothers have no time from their kitty parties. The young daughters are not told anything how to adjust in an alien family. They are simply told about their rights, not at all anything about their duties. And the result is, as soon as they enter the new household, the honeymoon ends in three months. And, the girl who was never taught to cook food, be respectful to elders, be considerate to the old, and listen more and say less, – is now headed for the police station. Our education teaches every art, except the art of home making. Home Science is a different story, because home making is an art, not a science. And, what happens, we see our dear daughters, on whose education, lakhs of rupees are spent, when married with a great fanfare in costly marriage palaces, suffer crashes.

The Daughter-in-Law

A daughter, one day, has to get married and reach the home of her in-laws. The more pampered she is at her parents’ home, the greater are going to be her problems with the in-laws family. As pointed out earlier, our daughters are given no training at all at family making. Whatever old women tell them [these days, we don’t have those story-telling old women left] they gather at random. There is no thorough training for home making. Actually, marriage and home are considered less important, if not entirely irrelevant in the present times where daughters have got education, and marriage is considered a necessary evil. But they are never brought face to face with the facts of life that she has to marry, she has to be a daughter-in-law, and she has to be a mother after that. We have a homegrown tradition of unmarried daughters making life difficult for the Daughter-in-law [DIL]. She is now living in a family where not one person belongs to her. Even her husband belongs to his parents. Among these aliens, she has to put up and make space for herself. These are all power relations. The MIL [the mother-in-law] does not want to part with her decision-making powers, while this passion for power brings her in direct clash with the educated DIL.

The Point at Issue

If a daughter is to be married off, she has to be trained about the arts which make the marriage successful. Because, we in India perhaps do not understand the value of a stable and peaceful home.  Women feel utmost happy when the husband gives them pocket money for shopping. That is all about marital happiness for a woman. It is wrong. They are human beings. And they must go beyond these shopping sprees which are no more than diversions only to keep them away from the real issues of existence.

As educated girls, they must be taught to rise above the mundane and try to become accomplished in arts which raise the level of human joy.  Getting food, and a protective home, and then, giving birth to kids, and rearing them, is a part of the job of living, not the entire truth of life. We have never looked upon the female gender as human beings. They need to develop their mental faculties like men, and grow from mundane chores. However, those who choose to restrict themselves to the home, they must know how to maintain peace and happiness at home. And for this, the DIL is not singly responsible. It is the duty of the entire house to learn to live collectively and for each other.

Conclusion

We need to be thinking so much because our society believes in the institution of marriage by arrangement. If marriage is solemnized on the basis of love, fifty percent issues will disappear. In all, I can say the society remains indifferent to the personal freedom, space of a girl child who is forced to do so many things by her parents in the name of family honor, and when they go to the parents-in-law’s house, they find their freedom excised. Their space gone. And they have to struggle hard to make space for themselves.  It kills the human being in them. They remain mothers, or daughters-in-law, but in the process, forget they had some individual dreams, some colorful dreams of personal accomplishment,  so that they could have a feeling of self-fulfillment. The girl child, thus, remains starved of the sense of achievement and social value which is available to the male stock.

Read: The Cultured Emotion

_________________

Dr. Jernail Singh Anand, President of the International Academy of Ethics, is author of 161 books in English poetry, fiction, non-fiction, philosophy and spirituality. He was awarded Charter of Morava, the great Award by Serbian Writers Association, Belgrade and his name was engraved on the Poets’ Rock in Serbia. The Academy of Arts and philosophical Sciences of Bari [Italy] honored him with the award of an Honorable Academic.  Recently, he was awarded Doctor of Philosophy [Honoris Causa] by the University of Engineering and Management, Jaipur. Recently, he organized an International Conference on Contemporary Ethics at Chandigarh. His most phenomenal book is Lustus: The Prince of Darkness [first epic of the Mahkaal Trilogy]. Email: anandjs55@yahoo.com

Link Bibliography:

https://atunispoetry.com/2023/12/08/indian-author-dr-jernail-s-anand-honoured-at-the-60th-belgrade-international-meeting-of-writers/

The post The Daughter and the Daughter-in-Law: The Role versus the Actor first appeared on Sindh Courier.