Dowry: The Price of a Daughter

Dowry is a dangerous relic of a bygone era that has no place in a just, modern society

• Despite legal restrictions and public awareness campaigns, dowry remains a deeply embedded social expectation, often determining a woman’s worth and marriageability

By Abdullah Usman Morai | Sweden

In many cultures, marriage is celebrated as a sacred bond between two individuals and their families. However, for millions across South Asia, the Middle East, and parts of Africa, this union comes with a heavy price tag: the dowry. What began centuries ago as a cultural practice meant to provide women with financial security has, in modern times, mutated into a social evil that breeds discrimination, debt, violence, and despair. Despite legal restrictions and public awareness campaigns, dowry remains a deeply embedded social expectation, often determining a woman’s worth and marriageability. This article explores the origin of dowry, its harmful effects, the rare perceived benefits, cultural dynamics, and pathways to eliminate this regressive tradition.

The Historical Origin of Dowry

Dowry is not a modern invention; it has roots in ancient civilizations. In Ancient Greece and Rome, dowry was a form of inheritance given to daughters since they could not inherit family property. Similarly, in South Asia, dowry was historically meant to support a bride financially in her new household. In theory, it was the woman’s share of her parental wealth, providing her security and dignity.

However, over time, dowry transformed from a voluntary gift into a demanded transaction. With the rise of patriarchal systems, the practice evolved into a tool of control and status. As marriage became a social contract with financial undertones, dowry became a condition rather than a contribution.

The Harmful Impact of Dowry in Contemporary Society

Today, dowry is less about the bride’s well-being and more about satisfying the groom’s family’s financial aspirations. This shift has had devastating consequences:

1. Economic Pressure: Families go into extreme debt to meet dowry demands. In Pakistan and India, it is not uncommon for poor parents to sell their land, livestock, or valuables, pushing entire families into financial ruin.
2. Gender Discrimination: Daughters are seen as liabilities rather than blessings. Many families prefer sons to avoid dowry expenses, leading to sex-selective abortions and skewed gender ratios.
3. Violence and Abuse: Thousands of women face harassment, torture, or even death over dowry disputes. In India alone, over 6,000 dowry-related deaths are reported annually, with countless others unrecorded.
4. Delayed or Denied Marriages: Girls remain unmarried if their families cannot afford the dowry. This leads to emotional trauma, societal exclusion, and in some cases, suicide.
5. Mental Health Struggles: Constant pressure to arrange money for dowry leads to depression and anxiety among parents, while brides suffer from guilt, fear, and shame.

Case Study 1: Ayesha’s Story (Pakistan)

Ayesha, a 24-year-old teacher from rural Sindh, had received multiple marriage proposals. However, each was accompanied by demands for gold, a motorcycle, or cash. Her father, a retired government clerk, could not meet these demands. Eventually, the family had to borrow money from relatives and arrange a minimal dowry. Yet, even after marriage, Ayesha faced daily taunts from her in-laws for not bringing “enough.” Eventually, she returned to her parents’ home, emotionally shattered.

Case Study 2: Nirmala’s Death (India)

Nirmala, a newlywed from Uttar Pradesh, India, was burned alive by her in-laws because her parents failed to deliver an additional refrigerator and scooter after marriage. Her case sparked national outrage but ended in delayed justice, highlighting the legal system’s inefficiency in handling dowry crimes.

Perceived Pros of Dowry (Historical and Cultural)

While dowry is widely condemned today, some societies continue to defend it based on traditional roles:

• Financial Security for Bride: Historically, it served as the bride’s safety net.
• Support for New Household: Some argue that dowry helps couples start married life comfortably.
• Social Status and Respect: Giving dowry is seen as a matter of pride, especially among affluent families.

These reasons, however, crumble under scrutiny in today’s world where women can earn, inherit, and support themselves.

Cons of Dowry (Which Far Outweigh the Pros)

• Reinforces patriarchy and materialism.
• Treats women as commodities.
• Creates unequal marriages based on wealth, not compatibility.
• Leads to systemic violence, corruption, and societal decay.

Global and Cultural Comparisons

Dowry is more prevalent in developing countries, especially:

• South Asia (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal)
• Middle East (in the form of Mahr, though conceptually different)
• Some African and Southeast Asian societies

In contrast, developed nations rarely practice dowry. Reasons include:

• Gender Equality: Women are educated, employed, and economically independent.
• Legal Safeguards: Strict enforcement against gender-based financial coercion.
• Cultural Shifts: Marriage is seen as a partnership, not a transaction.

The Dowry-Marriage Dilemma: When Girls Remain Unmarried

One of the gravest consequences of dowry culture is that many girls remain unmarried due to their parents’ inability to pay. This creates a class of “unwanted” daughters whose only fault is poverty.

To tackle this:

• Shift the Narrative: Promote marriage based on values and compatibility, not wealth.
• Empower Women: Education and employment allow women to define their own worth.
• Redefine Success: Glorify dowry-free marriages as ideal rather than shameful.

A Balanced Approach: If Gifts Are to Be Exchanged

Cultural exchanges at weddings are not inherently evil. Problems arise when they are demanded and conditional. A balanced approach could involve:

• Mutual and voluntary gift exchange.
• No conditions before or after marriage.
• Transparent agreements, if needed, in writing.
• Gifts given to the bride, not the groom’s family, as part of her inheritance.

How to Eliminate Dowry Culture: Solutions and Reforms

1. Legal Enforcement:

o             Strengthen anti-dowry laws.

o             Fast-track dowry-related cases.

o             Penalize both demanding and giving dowry to remove societal pressure.

2. Education and Awareness:

o             Include gender sensitization in school curricula.

o             Conduct public campaigns celebrating dowry-free marriages.

3. Community and Religious Leaders:

o             Mobilize faith-based and local institutions to condemn dowry openly.

o             Promote simple marriage ceremonies.

4. Support for Victims:

o             Establish helplines, shelters, and legal support for dowry harassment victims.

5. Role of Media and Technology:

o             Use social media, films, and influencers to change public perception.

o             Expose dowry-related crimes and create public accountability.

Case Study 3: Dowry-Free Marriages in Kerala (India)

Kerala’s progressive Muslim and Christian communities have promoted “zero-dowry” weddings. Several organizations run campaigns encouraging couples to pledge dowry-free marriages. Young men proudly say, “I didn’t take dowry,” helping change the narrative.

Conclusion

Dowry is a dangerous relic of a bygone era that has no place in a just, modern society. It reduces marriage to a marketplace and women to commodities, undermining the very foundation of love, respect, and partnership. While tradition may be hard to dismantle, change is possible through awareness, courage, and reform. It begins with every parent refusing to give, every groom refusing to take, and every society refusing to normalize. We must marry our daughters with respect, not with price tags. Let dignity, not dowry, be the foundation of every union.

 Read: The Life in a Drop

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Abdullah Soomro, penname Abdullah Usman Morai, hailing from Moro town of Sindh, province of Pakistan, is based in Stockholm Sweden. Currently he is working as Groundwater Engineer in Stockholm Sweden. He did BE (Agriculture) from Sindh Agriculture University Tando Jam and MSc water systems technology from KTH Stockholm Sweden as well as MSc Management from Stockholm University. Beside this he also did masters in journalism and economics from Shah Abdul Latif University Khairpur Mirs, Sindh. He is author of a travelogue book named ‘Musafatoon’. His second book is in process. He writes articles from time to time.