Playing the joker is not a good method to keep a healthy relationship. Mutual caring and sharing is necessary
Heba Hendawi
Back in my teens, I always had a row with my mother. We argued all the time as any teen and mom yet our constant argument was about my personal relationships and friendship. I always liked to make friends no matter what. Age difference or social background was not an issue for me. I was keen on knowing people from different cultural backgrounds and languages. I kept on caring and sharing. I was the giver who never stopped nourishing the friendship. I called, sent letters, visited and was there for them at any time.
However, my mother was not happy. She accused me of being the joker who fitted in any game and this was not a healthy relationship. I was not convinced. I didn’t care who called first or who cared more. All what I really kept in my mind is keeping the friendship going and not losing any of my contacts. Playing the joker for me was an advantage. This is how I considered it then! I very much believed that it was a gift and a talent not everyone possessed. For my mother, this was a fluid personality. As a typical emotionally driven teenager, I argued with her and continued with my ideas. I was always there for everybody even if they did not do the same for me. I gave them endless excuses as long as we are on good terms.
She tried to put me off and I resented. She told me that a joker is not an essential card and people use it to just keep the game going for their convenience. I saw that this was satisfactory and I didn’t care. I welcomed any act that saved the game of friendship. I was just a teenager who objected for objection’s sake.
A one side relationship of a friend who is always giving yet getting nothing in return is not a healthy relationship
Time passed and this very young lady grew up and gained more experience. Life was generous enough to advocate my mother’s point of view. Year after year, I made more friends and started to lose old connections despite all my “joker” efforts to oil the wheels. Through time, we learn by trial and error. Wisdom doesn’t come overnight. My mother passed away and now I am nearly her age when she was once advising me against the behavior I adopted. I look around and realize that she was right. True friendship in particular needs two parties to be keen on it. A one side relationship of a friend who is always giving yet getting nothing in return is not a healthy relationship. There is a big difference between giving an excuse to a friend and not realizing that it is not about an excuse but rather about caring in the first place. Selfishness and ego destroy any human connection. Entitlement to take without giving is not a proper friendship. If one doesn’t appreciate the efforts of the other to keep him/ her then the giver should pull up the brakes before it’s too late.
Read: One story; two versions
Playing the joker is not a good method to keep a healthy relationship. Mutual caring and sharing is necessary. If a game depends on the joker card to fill the gaps all the time it will be doomed to a sad ending. Looking back at my life, I can understand what my mother meant and I realize how impulsive I was and how easily I could have saved myself a number of disappointments and tears. Live and learn! Perhaps it took me some years to learn but my solace is that I was after a good cause and intentions. I can easily relate to the saying that goes:” it takes two to tango!”
Published under the International Cooperation Protocol with Middle East Business | Life Magazine
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