The disconnect between online aggression and real-life politeness in Pakistan, especially in Sindh, is both ironic and troubling

Whether we speak through a screen or across a table, it is not just our words that matter—but the spirit in which they are spoken.

By Abdullah Usman Morai | Sweden 

“On Twitter, he was a lion. In the mohalla chai dhaba, he couldn’t look the milkman in the eye.” This line, overheard in a casual conversation between university students in Hyderabad, perfectly captures the phenomenon we now see daily—individuals who are vocally aggressive online but markedly reserved in person. The contrast between bold digital expressions and courteous, often subdued face-to-face interactions has become a defining trait of modern communication in Pakistan, particularly within Sindh’s deeply rooted cultural framework.

This article explores the psychological, cultural, and social dimensions of this paradox, unpacking how social media platforms have become breeding grounds for extreme expression, while real-life interactions are still governed by traditional norms of respect and restraint. By understanding this disconnect, we can begin to develop strategies to harmonize online conduct with the values we uphold in our offline lives.

Understanding Online Disinhibition

The phenomenon known as the online disinhibition effect refers to the tendency of people to act more freely, aggressively, or emotionally online than they would in person. Several psychological factors contribute to this behavior, most notably:

• Anonymity: Users can mask their real identities, leading to a sense of impunity.
• Lack of immediate consequences: Unlike real life, where harsh words can invite confrontation, online comments often float in digital space without direct backlash.
• Asynchronicity: The ability to reply later, rather than respond in real time, emboldens users to say things they might not in an immediate face-to-face discussion.
• Absence of non-verbal cues: Without body language, tone, or facial expressions, empathy and restraint often take a backseat.

This effect manifests across the world but takes on a unique tone in Pakistan, where societal decorum remains deeply influenced by cultural values such as izzat (honor), adab (etiquette), and bara pan (dignity). Ironically, the same people who refrain from direct confrontation or abusive speech in their neighborhoods or workplaces might unhesitatingly lash out on Facebook comment sections or WhatsApp groups.

Cultural Norms and the Sindhi Way of Interaction

In Sindh, social interactions are steeped in tradition. Whether in rural villages near Khairpur or the urban sprawl of Karachi, daily life is governed by unspoken codes of respect, especially toward elders, teachers, and community leaders. Even in disagreement, the emphasis is on maintaining sulah-safai (peace and reconciliation). Calling someone out publicly is often seen as badtameezi (rudeness), and munh te kehna (saying something to someone’s face) is done with great caution, often wrapped in poetic or indirect language.

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Contrast this with the average Sindhi social media user’s behavior online. The same individual who greets with folded hands in real life may freely use sarcastic memes, expletives, or harsh political commentary on Twitter. This shift is not just individual but generational—youth who grew up in joint family systems filled with Amma’s wisdom and Baba’s principles now navigate platforms where speed and sarcasm win over substance and sensitivity.

Real-World Consequences: When Digital Spills into Reality

While much of this online boldness remains contained within virtual boundaries, there are increasing cases where online expression leads to real-world trouble.

In Pakistan, a tweet or Facebook post can escalate from digital disagreement to FIRs, mob reactions, or even physical altercations. Blasphemy accusations, for instance, have emerged from online posts, resulting in arrests, lynchings, or lifelong exile. Even less severe scenarios, like political arguments or personal insults, have fractured friendships and created deep family rifts.

In small communities, where everyone knows everyone, a single viral comment can destroy someone’s social standing. A young man in rural Sindh once shared a meme mocking a powerful local figure. By evening, he was summoned to the otaq (village gathering place) and forced to apologize before elders—proof that online missteps do not go unnoticed in the real world.

Social Media as a Public Bazaar

To understand this dynamic better, imagine social media as a bazaar—a chaotic yet colorful public market. Everyone is present. Some shout to sell their ideas, others stroll quietly, observing but not engaging. There are vendors of truth, peddlers of misinformation, performers, preachers, and pickpockets of peace.

This analogy helps explain behaviors like:

• Passive Observation: Most users rarely comment or post but consume content regularly, like silent market-goers.
• Selective Engagement: People engage only with what confirms their beliefs—akin to only visiting stalls selling familiar spices.
• Performative Boldness: Just as some vendors exaggerate their products, some users amplify their opinions to gain attention, likes, and followers.

In this digital bazaar, identity is curated, and consequences feel distant. Yet, just as in a real market, too much noise or aggressive behavior draws attention, not always the kind one wants.

Psychological Impact of Online Behavior

The contrast between bold online behavior and reserved offline behavior can also take a toll on mental health.

• Online Harassment: Victims of trolling or bullying often experience anxiety, depression, and social withdrawal.
• Echo Chambers: Repeated exposure to aggressive or one-sided views can distort reality, increasing intolerance.
• Empathy Deficit: A lack of face-to-face connection reduces the ability to feel the impact of one’s words. Without seeing the pain on someone’s face, words become weapons wielded without remorse.

For Sindhi youth, already grappling with identity struggles, generational pressures, and socio-economic challenges, the psychological weight of maintaining dual personas—one online and one in real life—can be overwhelming.

Bridging the Gap: Promoting Responsible Online Conduct

The solution is not to reject social media—it is, after all, a powerful tool for education, activism, and connection—but to align our online expressions with the values we cherish offline.

Some possible steps include:

• Digital Literacy Campaigns: Schools and universities in Sindh should include modules on respectful online behavior and critical media consumption.
• Community Moderation: Just as village elders moderate disputes, online groups should have fair, active moderators who foster healthy discussion.
• Cultural Content Creation: Promoting Sindhi poetry, Sufi wisdom, and folklore online can reinforce values of tolerance, love, and humility.
• Legal Awareness: People must be educated about Pakistan’s cybercrime laws and the consequences of defamation, harassment, and hate speech.

Lastly, empathy must be rekindled. It must be taught that behind every profile is a human being, not just a username. If one wouldn’t insult someone in a dhaba, one shouldn’t do it in a tweet.

Conclusion: Returning to the Values of Our Roots

The disconnect between online aggression and real-life politeness in Pakistan, especially in Sindh, is both ironic and troubling. While social media has given a voice to the voiceless, it has also become a stage where people perform their worst selves, encouraged by likes and emboldened by distance.

Sindh, the land of Shah Abdul Latif Bhittai and Sachal Sarmast, has always preached the values of sabar (patience), sukh (peace), and sachai (truth). Our cultural and spiritual heritage does not shy away from expression—it simply asks for it to be rooted in grace.

Let us not allow screens to strip us of our humanity. Let us carry the same respect we offer to our Amma and Baba, to our neighbors and teachers, into the digital spaces we now call home. Let us be bold, yes—but also kind. Loud, if needed—but never cruel.

Because in the end, whether we speak through a screen or across a table, it is not just our words that matter—but the spirit in which they are spoken.

Blog: Fake Wars, Real Needs

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Abdullah Soomro, penname Abdullah Usman Morai, hailing from Moro town of Sindh, province of Pakistan, is based in Stockholm Sweden. Currently he is working as Groundwater Engineer in Stockholm Sweden. He did BE (Agriculture) from Sindh Agriculture University Tando Jam and MSc water systems technology from KTH Stockholm Sweden as well as MSc Management from Stockholm University. Beside this he also did masters in journalism and economics from Shah Abdul Latif University Khairpur Mirs, Sindh. He is author of a travelogue book named ‘Musafatoon’. His second book is in process. He writes articles from time to time. A frequent traveler, he also does podcast on YouTube with channel name: VASJE Podcast.