Let us not underestimate the power of positive words in shaping child behavior

By Nazarul Islam | USA

Elementary school teachers are ill fated, when faced with a bitter truth. Sooner than later, they will come across students who may test their limits. In classroom settings, children can be uncooperative at times, particularly if they’re tired, hungry, or feeling overwhelmed. As a teacher for many years, I do believe in certain age groups, like 5 to 6 year-olds and teenagers, non-cooperative behavior is a normal part of their development.

Moving further, Statistics reveal up to 16 percent of all children and 40 percent of students are diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), which is characterized by a pattern, in multiple settings over time, of consistent negative and hostile behavior. This may include deliberately annoying behavior, or questionable conduct that upset others, triggering explosions of anger and hostility, defiance or frequent arguing with adults, and then blaming others for misbehavior.

Many teachers are known to react defensively to obstinate behavior, creating perhaps a situation where teacher and student may become locked in a power struggle or an ineffective pattern of communication.

So, how does a teacher handle a student who openly defies rules, purposely tries to irritate the teacher, or has a pattern of hostile behavior toward authority? During my not so short career in teaching, I tried never to let go an opportunity to discuss with my colleagues, troubling issues taking place inside classrooms. Guidance and solutions to classroom issues have come to me through most unexpected sources. I always took down my notes, which inspired me to offer some suggestions to help fellow teachers avoid problems or manage them when they arise.

To me, the best key words have been—remain calm. Many years ago, as a new teacher I had quickly determined that showing anger was counterproductive with students who were oppositional. It made the behavior worse, as they were often amused or encouraged by upsetting an adult.

We need to understand even when we are upset or frustrated, it’s important not to allow the child to see our emotional response. I have always tried to keep a positive tone to my voice, and adopt neutral body language by keeping hands by my sides. However, we teachers need to be cautious about approaching the student or entering their personal space as this might also escalate the situation.

A word of caution. Good teachers need to choose their words carefully. Learning to use “I statements” has helped me immensely in working with students with difficult behavior. When a student is noncompliant, often our first impulse as teachers is to point out the behavior by using a statement that begins with “You” and give a command. For example, “You never listen and follow directions. Don’t get out of your seat again!”

Rephrasing this as an “I statement” is much more effective. For example, “I would like for all of my students to sit down, listen, and follow directions so that they know what to do next.”

This statement is less judgmental, and it instructs by describing the positive behavior that is desired. We must remember to keep directions concise and deliver them in multiple ways (in writing, spoken aloud, or by using signals, for example).

When possible, teachers can offer choices where they will be happy with either outcome. For example, “Students may sit on the beanbags or at their desks to work quietly.” Choices make students feel like they have a response option, without having to display defiant behavior.

Again, we teachers need to contemplate how we can reinforce positive behavior inside and out of classroom spaces. Should we Switch our focus from recognizing negative behavior to seeking out demonstrations of positive behavior? Shouldn’t we look for and reward even small steps toward flexibility, compliance, and cooperation.

When a student shows improvement, let’s give this our foremost attention. I have discovered positive notes sent home to parents and guardians to be particularly effective. I had sent postcards to my students who demonstrated improvement in their behavior. A parent once agreed with me that not only was this the first positive note the student had received, but he was so proud of it that he kept it on the refrigerator to look at every day.

Let us not underestimate the power of positive words in shaping child behavior.

Next, should we now not focus to determine the cause of student behavior? Their responses keep helping students obtain something desirable or simply escape something undesirable. Learning to think of behavior as feedback or a form of communication has indeed helped me to work more effectively as a teacher with students who had display problem behaviors.

Why not ask yourself:

When does this behavior happen or not happen?

What happens before and after the behavior?

Who is the audience?

Are there factors outside of the student’s control that might be causing or contributing to the behaviors? (For example, has the student experienced trauma? Does he or she come from a household with housing or food instability?)

What alternative behavior would be more acceptable than the one being displayed?

Let’s step forward and consider that there may be understandable reasons for a particular misbehavior. For example, as a teacher I often saw students create a problem to avoid doing work that was too difficult for them.

Some students had acted out because of difficult issues in their homes or communities. I also saw students act tough or argumentative to impress peers or avoid bullying or victimization by other students.

Understanding the cause of the behavior will help us teachers in establishing a plan to address the challenges.

Help is always made available to teachers in need. If a student frequently displays problematic behavior, it also may be possible to request a functional behavior assessment (FBA), which looks at academic and non-academic factors that could be contributing to or triggering behavior.

As we may be aware of, the law only requires on FBA after a suspension of the misbehaving student for a period of 10 days or more. While an FBA may be requested at any time.

Read: Challenging Times for Elementary Schools

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The Bengal-born writer Nazarul Islam is a senior educationist based in USA. He writes for Sindh Courier and the newspapers of Bangladesh, India and America. He is author of a recently published book ‘Chasing Hope’ – a compilation of his articles.