Marriages are made in heaven and celebrated on earth. Very well said. But experience has proved it is an exalted untruth only.
Dr. Jernail S. Anand
As soon as the eye rests on a beautiful face, passions run high, gripping the head and heart of a young man, and the first thing that he does is to propose to the lady. Propose for what? Not for love, but for marriage. And the lady too is happy, someone is serious with her. Immediately, while the young man starts searching the possible love interests of the girl, the girl starts looking into the financial status of the boy. Once on the safer side, she invites him with his mother to their house the next day. And, if everything goes fine, within a month of their meeting they are married. I have seen this happen in Urdu serials. In India, things are not that simple though parents have become wiser now, and give space to the likes and dislikes of their kids.
What is amiss here? There is no love. Only liking. And it is finally a case of marriage. Something which the civil society approves. Love is not permitted in this society if it is not to result in marriage, the ultimate union of two ‘souls’, so that, thereafter, they could produce children, and take care of them. Marriages are made in heaven and celebrated on earth. Very well said. But experience has proved it is an exalted untruth only.
As soon as a girl is born, parents start making her dowry, and as soon as a son is born, they start dreaming of his marriage. Of their grandsons. If a person does not marry, he is a freak and has to suffer indignities and even insults at the hands of the more blessed.
Searching matches for young girls, and getting them married is a passion not only of novelists down the centuries, but of all parents, whether it is family serials, or films. Every film in Bollywood has a hero and a heroine who must love, and try to marry. In Hollywood, such questions do not turn up. In Punjabi movies also, there is no other issue for discussion, except marriage with a girl settled in Canada.
Old movies in India centered around lovers, or love triangles, and the entire life was wasted in singing songs of separation and love. No doubt, they gave us soulful and doleful music, which still lingers in our blood. The feeling of love and marriage, have always been at the heart of the movie makers. There are very few experiments in which you can find only men, or only women as cast of a film.
Love can be a better option in deciding marriage. Marriage should be the final thing in the life of a person after which he is not expected to do anything. And it has to be based on love and understanding. Otherwise, it all exalted non-sense.
So, every boy and every girl who grows up, must marry. And they start fishing for the right guy as soon as they become conscious of their sex. These days, they gain this consciousness much earlier, although the old-timers were more practical. As soon as girls attained the age of puberty, they were married off. So that they do not indulge here and there.
I am going to question this passion of the society for marriage, which is not based on love.
First question is: has man come to this life simply to grow up and get married?
Second, has a young man no other business on this earth except marriage?
Third, what is the use of a marriage if there is no love involved in it?
I personally think we are shipped to this planet with a higher purpose. To do something. To explore something. To become something. Marriage is a natural phenomenon, and as naturally, you become father of a few kids. There is no special effort involved in becoming a father or a mother. Then, running the house hold is every body’s cup of tea. Nothing special in it.
The question to ponder is: you are different from one another. What does this differentness signify? Where have you mortgaged your wits? Who will tell you, apply your wit and wisdom to life, and come up with truths hitherto unknown. Create new things. Come up with new theories. You have a brain. Apply it. I think no brainwork is needed in marrying and then becoming a father. It is entirely a physical activity. Applying brain, instead of your heart, to love and marriage is a case of misplaced wisdom.
Why you carry a mind? Which is highly creative? And you waste it on non-entities called marriage? In serials, talented actresses are seen enacting marriage scenes, singing and dancing, and then, suffering because of a bad mother-in-law, or a husband who is involved with her cousin. What else? Are these issues worth the intra-terrestrial attention? These are family issues, prosaic issues, whereas we should be more interested in creative issues of life.
If I talk of India, and before partition, of undivided Punjab, how many people can you remember who invented new things? Or made some discoveries? Let me know one name from these northern areas. We have very few like Ramanujan. The reason is simple. We waste their youthful potential in mate-making. And never realize we have an entirely misplaced understanding of the idea of youth.
Youth and the Marital Track
Here is a graphic picture of how we waste our youth. We should not forget that the most creative period of a young man’s life is from 15 to 40 years of his life. This is the period when he should be obsessed with higher thought and exalted ambitions. He should be busy with his studies, in his lab, working day and night, to hit at some new phenomenon. These are the creative years when he can discover new things. Make new things.
But, we put him on the marital track. So, here is what happens to our brightest men. As soon as they become aware of their sex, they start looking around. Studies in the class are secondary. Primary thing is: a friend. They grow up with this passion. In BA classes also, they are after friends. Studies come later. That is why, very few get the highest scores, while most of the class just scrapes through with 50 to 60% marks. In PG classes, our students become serious about marriage [not about studies], and they come home with a strong decision. Parents are parents. How can they tolerate their kids taking their own decisions without applying ‘their’ wisdom? So, No. By now, pardon, they are already 30 years. They are married to a boy or a girl they don’t want to marry. So, initially, they visit police stations. Either they get divorced, or settle in marriage. And it takes ten years, during which they hit on some kids as well. Our young man of 40 years is found on a scooter, taking his kids to school. Absolutely wasted.
The society approves of this deliberate playing with the youth, by involving them in marriage, and not showing them any other way.
Don’t we expect anything better from our young men and women?
Marriage and Heaven: Two Contrary Realities
One more thing which we have not noticed is: marriages are not made in heaven. They are made, rather calculated on this earth. And we are very hard bargainers. We make sure of everything, the boy’s education, his parents’ financial status, etc. Same with the girl. What her father is doing. What her brothers are doing. Does she have any uncle or aunt in Canada? Marriages depend in a definite way if the girl can take others of the family to Canada.
These are our considerations and we tie the knot. Such marriages are rot. They do not give any peace or joy to the partners. There are some inimical forces which want to keep men and women in a state of agitation so that men can be distracted towards the forces of evil. Sexually starved young people become easy fodder for the corporate designs. Sexual deprivation from incompatible marriages with nonstop fighting, leads to a disturbed mental balance. There is somebody, may be Devil himself, who wants human beings to remain in a state of mental distraction.
Do we want Equilibrium in Society?
If we want a happy society, a balanced society, men and women in a state of happy equilibrium, we shall have to devise a system in which the young men are allowed to give vent to their creative urge through brainwork. I think love can be a better option in deciding marriage. Marriage should be the final thing in the life of a person after which he is not expected to do anything. And it has to be based on love and understanding. Otherwise, it all exalted non-sense.
Read: THE MAN WHO MESSES WITH HIS BRIEF COMES TO GRIEF
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Dr. Jernail Singh Anand, President of the International Academy of Ethics, is author of 161 books in English poetry, fiction, non-fiction, philosophy and spirituality. He was awarded Charter of Morava, the great Award by Serbian Writers Association, Belgrade and his name was engraved on the Poets’ Rock in Serbia. The Academy of Arts and philosophical Sciences of Bari [Italy] honored him with the award of an Honorable Academic. Recently, he was awarded Doctor of Philosophy [Honoris Causa] by the University of Engg and Management, Jaipur. Recently, he organized an International Conference on Contemporary Ethics at Chandigarh. His most phenomenal book is Lustus: The Prince of Darkness [first epic of the Mahkaal Trilogy]. Email: anandjs55@yahoo.com
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