Your energy is not infinite. Spend it where it grows, not where it withers.
- “Give the same energy they gave” is not a slogan of revenge; it is a philosophy of emotional sustainability.
By Abdullah Usman Morai | Sweden
The Awakening
There comes a moment in every person’s life when they sit silently and ask, “Why do I always give more?” More love, more patience, more effort, more explanations. It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes, it is a quiet realization that you have been watering dead plants, lighting up people who never bring warmth to your winters. The phrase “Give the same energy they gave” emerges like a rebellion—a call for emotional justice, not vengeance. It is about reclaiming your power, understanding your worth, and creating emotional boundaries in a world that often rewards overgiving with emptiness.
In this article, we explore the psychological, cultural, and social roots of emotional imbalance. We reflect on real-life case studies, philosophical insight, and the transformative power of mirroring energy, not to retaliate but to restore dignity and mental peace.
The Psychology of Over-giving: Why We Do More Than We Should
Human beings are wired for connection. From childhood, we are taught to be kind, patient, giving, and accommodating. However, these virtues, when misapplied or one-sided, become self-destructive. Psychologists like Dr. Nicole LePera argue that overgiving often stems from childhood trauma, a desire for validation, or fear of abandonment. People raised in emotionally imbalanced households often learn to equate love with sacrifice.
Case Study 1: The Empath Who Burned Out
Sana, a 34-year-old social worker from Lahore, always gave more than she received. From her toxic friendship with a college mate to her marriage with a narcissistic partner, she continued to pour energy into others while running on empty. “I used to think that if I love more, they’ll see my worth. But I ended up invisible,” she confessed. After therapy, she began mirroring the energy she received. “When someone sent a one-word reply, I stopped writing essays. When they canceled plans repeatedly, I stopped inviting them. It wasn’t revenge. It was healing.”
Cultural Expectations: The Burden of Generosity in South Asia
In societies like Pakistan, India, and Bangladesh, overgiving is often seen as a virtue, especially for women. Daughters are taught to adjust, wives to sacrifice, and employees to go the extra mile without recognition.
This cultural programming turns self-neglect into sainthood. The phrase “Log kya kahenge” (What will people say?) becomes a silencing spell that keeps people trapped in emotionally exploitative roles. Men, too, are taught to suffer silently, never expressing emotional needs for fear of being seen as weak.
When Giving the Same Energy Becomes a Revolutionary Act
To mirror someone’s energy is not to mimic their mood but to reflect their effort. If someone ignores your messages, you stop chasing. If they celebrate your failures but ignore your victories, you stop sharing. It is a return to equilibrium—a personal protest against unequal emotional transactions.
Case Study 2: The Silent Resignation
Ali, a software engineer in Karachi, was always the first to stay late, cover shifts, and mentor juniors. His efforts were taken for granted. Promotions went to louder, politically savvy colleagues. When he started clocking out on time and stopped volunteering for unpaid tasks, colleagues called him “arrogant.” But Ali found peace. “I wasn’t being rude. I just stopped begging for crumbs. I gave the same energy they gave me—basic and transactional.”
Boundaries vs. Bitterness: A Delicate Difference
Critics often mistake this mindset as promoting bitterness or revenge. That’s far from the truth. Giving the same energy is not about becoming cold or indifferent. It’s about setting emotional boundaries. It’s about recognizing that your energy is currency and not everyone deserves a blank cheque.
Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, explains: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
Mirror Energy as Emotional Maturity
Mature relationships are reciprocal. They flourish on shared effort. When both parties respect each other’s time, energy, and emotions, a healthy dynamic is created. Mirroring energy doesn’t mean that if someone is rude, you become rude too. It means you withdraw access. You give what you get—in tone, in time, in trust.
Case Study 3: The Power of Silence
Meher, a university student in Hyderabad, was once deeply involved in a group of friends who only contacted her for notes and exam help. When she needed support during a family emergency, no one showed up. She decided not to confront them but instead responded with silence. She stopped reaching out. She gave the same energy they had given her: absence. Months later, some tried to return. But Meher had moved on. “Silence was my loudest message.”
Philosophical and Spiritual Dimensions
The idea of “giving the same energy” is embedded in many spiritual and philosophical teachings. The Bible says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The Quran emphasizes “Justice and equity.” In Eastern philosophy, the law of karma suggests that what you give is what you receive.
But what happens when you give love and get betrayal? Kindness and get mockery? Then, justice becomes giving them exactly what they gave you—distance, indifference, or silence. Not to punish, but to protect your soul.
Social Dynamics and Emotional Equity
In offices, schools, families, and friendships, emotional equity matters. When only a few do the heavy lifting—organizing, apologizing, remembering birthdays, making plans—relationships collapse.
By giving the same energy:
- You stop rewarding bad behavior.
- You encourage self-awareness in others.
- You prevent emotional exploitation.
- You redistribute emotional labor.
The Risks: When Mirroring Backfires
While the concept is empowering, it must be used wisely. In emotionally immature relationships, giving the same energy may lead to misunderstanding or even conflict.
If both partners start mirroring neglect, the relationship dies. If leaders mirror the laziness of their team, productivity suffers. Emotional mirroring must be paired with communication. You can say:
“I noticed I’m always the one initiating. I’ll take a step back to see if you value this too.”
How to Practice Energy Mirroring Mindfully
- Audit Your Relationships: Who makes you feel drained? Who energizes you?
- Observe Behavior, Not Words: Actions matter more than apologies or promises.
- Stop Overexplaining: Let your silence or distance speak.
- Give Without Expectation, But Not Without Awareness
- Choose Detachment, Not Bitterness
- Celebrate Mutuality: Invest more in people who mirror your sincerity.
Case Study 4: The Family Rebalancing
Nargis, a 40-year-old teacher in Sukkur, used to cook, clean, arrange events, and emotionally support her extended family. But when she faced surgery, only her daughter stayed with her. The others sent short messages and returned to their routines. After recovery, she stopped attending every wedding, making endless calls, or offering help unasked. At first, she was labeled “selfish.” But over time, they started reaching out more. “They realized I was not an unlimited resource.”
Not Revenge, But Reclamation
“Give the same energy they gave” is not a slogan of revenge; it is a philosophy of emotional sustainability. In a world full of noise and narcissism, it is a way to preserve your peace. It is about refusing to chase love, respect, or attention. You don’t have to raise your voice. You just stop showing up where your presence is not valued.
Give the same energy they gave—not to hurt them, but to heal yourself. Give them their silence, their absence, their indifference—and then give yourself presence, love, and peace.
Because in the end, your energy is not infinite. Spend it where it grows, not where it withers.
Read: Fame, Wealth, Power: Mirrors of Truth
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Abdullah Soomro, penname Abdullah Usman Morai, hailing from Moro town of Sindh, province of Pakistan, is based in Stockholm Sweden. Currently he is working as Groundwater Engineer in Stockholm Sweden. He did BE (Agriculture) from Sindh Agriculture University Tando Jam and MSc water systems technology from KTH Stockholm Sweden as well as MSc Management from Stockholm University. Beside this he also did masters in journalism and economics from Shah Abdul Latif University Khairpur Mirs, Sindh. He is author of a travelogue book named ‘Musafatoon’. His second book is in process. He writes articles from time to time. A frequent traveler, he also does podcast on YouTube with channel name: VASJE Podcast.
