Why do we feel entitled to personal details about others?
What does it mean to respect someone’s boundaries in a world still shaped by communal norms and traditions?
By Abdullah Usman Morai | Sweden
When Questions Cross a Line
We’ve all experienced it — you’re at a wedding, a family dinner, or even a colleague’s farewell party, enjoying casual conversation, when someone suddenly asks, “So, when are you getting married?” or “How much do you earn now?” For some, these questions feel like harmless small talk. For others, they strike a deeply personal chord, sparking discomfort or even silent frustration.
As societies across the globe become more emotionally intelligent and sensitive to individual differences, we must take a step back and ask: Why do we feel entitled to personal details about others? And what does it mean to respect someone’s boundaries in a world still shaped by communal norms and traditions?
Why Do People Ask Such Personal Questions?
In many parts of South Asia — be it India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, or Sri Lanka — asking about someone’s age, marital status, children, or income is often seen as routine. It’s not necessarily malicious. In fact, it’s frequently framed as concern or curiosity rooted in familiarity. But what’s often missed is the emotional impact of such questions, especially in a rapidly evolving world where privacy and autonomy are increasingly valued.
Real-Life Examples from South Asia
Let’s consider some common scenarios:
- At a Pakistani wedding, a woman in her early 30s, well-educated and independent, is asked by a distant aunt, “Shaadi kab karni hai beta? Umar nikalti ja rahi hai.” (When are you getting married, dear? You’re getting older.) What might sound like concern is actually a societal pressure veiled as conversation.
- In rural India, a young man working in IT visits his hometown during Diwali. Neighbors casually ask, “Beta, package kitna mil raha hai?” (Son, how much are you earning now?) The question isn’t meant to offend, but it reduces his worth to a number, and ignores other aspects of his growth or happiness.
- In Bangladesh, a newlywed couple attends a family dinner, and within minutes, someone asks, “Khubi chhele/meye kokhon asche?” (When’s the baby coming?) The assumption that every marriage should immediately lead to parenthood disregards personal choice, medical challenges, or career aspirations.
These aren’t isolated incidents. They reflect a broader pattern — a collective social behavior where personal lives are considered fair game for public discussion.
Cultural Norms vs. Emerging Individualism
Historically, South Asian cultures emphasize collectivism — community over the individual. This means everyone feels entitled to participate in others’ life decisions, offering unsolicited advice or deeply personal questions without realizing the impact.
But as more people move toward urban centers, pursue higher education, engage with global ideas, or simply seek mental peace, there is a growing emphasis on individual agency. Younger generations, especially, are beginning to assert boundaries and question traditional norms.
The conflict, then, is not just between individuals, but between value systems. One rooted in tradition and perceived care, and the other in personal space and autonomy.
The Psychology Behind Personal Questions
Why do we ask such things?
- To Find Common Ground: In smaller communities, shared experiences like marriage, jobs, or parenthood are easy entry points for conversation.
- Social Comparison: Sometimes, people ask because they want to measure your progress against others — a silent scoreboard of who is “ahead” in life.
- Internalized Timelines: Many still believe there’s a “right age” to marry, settle down, or reach a certain income level — often projected onto others without consent.
Yet, curiosity isn’t always kindness. A question that seems casual to one person may be a trigger to another. Someone dealing with infertility, a difficult divorce, unemployment, or mental health struggles may not wish to relive their pain in the form of social inquiry.
A New Mindset: Awareness and Empathy
Before asking a personal question, pause and reflect:
- Would I feel comfortable being asked the same thing in public?
- Am I asking this out of genuine care, or habit?
- Is this question necessary for connection, or am I just filling the silence?
In a world more connected than ever, sensitivity matters. Empathy isn’t just about helping others; it’s about respecting their right to privacy and control over what they choose to share.
How to Respond with Grace — Without Guilt
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean being rude. Here are some thoughtful ways to respond:
- “That’s a bit personal, but thank you for asking.”
- “I’m not ready to talk about that right now.”
- “I know people are curious, but I like to keep some things private.”
- Or even with humor: “Oh, that’s classified information!” or “Once I figure that out, I’ll let you know!”
You’re not obligated to explain your choices. You don’t owe anyone an update on your personal timeline. Your life is not a public referendum.
Creating a Culture of Respectful Conversation
Let’s normalize meaningful conversations that don’t rely on intrusive questioning. Instead of “When are you getting married?” ask:
– “What are you passionate about these days?”
Instead of “How much do you make?” try:
– “What’s something exciting you’re working on?”
Let’s shift from surface-level assumptions to deeper human connection, from judgment to understanding.
Final Thoughts: Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Respect
Respecting boundaries is not just about avoiding offense — it’s about embracing emotional maturity. It’s about recognizing that everyone’s journey is unique, and that dignity lies in letting others share only what they choose to.
In South Asia and beyond, this cultural shift won’t happen overnight. But with every respectful question, every conscious pause, and every graceful boundary set, we inch closer to a more compassionate society — one where connection thrives without intrusion.
Read: When The Words Fail…
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Abdullah Soomro, penname Abdullah Usman Morai, hailing from Moro town of Sindh, province of Pakistan, is based in Stockholm Sweden. Currently he is working as Groundwater Engineer in Stockholm Sweden. He did BE (Agriculture) from Sindh Agriculture University Tando Jam and MSc water systems technology from KTH Stockholm Sweden as well as MSc Management from Stockholm University. Beside this he also did masters in journalism and economics from Shah Abdul Latif University Khairpur Mirs, Sindh. He is author of a travelogue book named ‘Musafatoon’. His second book is in process. He writes articles from time to time. A frequent traveler, he also does podcast on YouTube with channel name: VASJE Podcast.
