Patriarchy has harmed women the most, but it has also caused many men to suffer. It compelled men to choose rigidity over softness just to live up to the definition of a “strong man”
- What we need to do is normalize men asking for human things and stop considering men the epitome of power and strength.
By Amit Sukhani
Patriarchy has harmed women the most, but it has also caused many men to suffer. It compelled men to choose rigidity over softness just to live up to the definition of a “strong man”—one who does not cry but makes others cry. Futile ego and toxic masculinity are the products of this primordial concept of rigid men.
A few days ago, I encountered my young cousin who is hardly ten. He was holding back his tears after a fight with his brother. I asked him why he was doing so. His response made me rethink how we, as men, have been brought up. He said, “Boys don’t cry. If I had cried, everyone would laugh at me and consider me weak.” (Translated from the local language). These thoughts have already taken root in this young, immature mind. Imagine how they will evolve when he grows into an adult. He may very likely become a man who suppresses his emotions just to appear rigid and who vents his frustrations on the women around him.
This whole concept that men are not meant to express their emotions has made mental health and emotional intelligence taboo topics for them. Men are unable to speak their minds because they fear the labels society assigns to soft and sensitive men. They feel pressured to hide what they truly feel. Their emotional needs are marginalized. They find suppression and isolation the only options under such circumstances, which only makes things worse.
Read: Men’s Health Is More Than Muscle
Men who neither express nor listen often end up lacking compassion and empathy. They become so hardened in the process that they start bullying every soft-hearted person. They neither listen to others nor approach people in crisis. They suffer silently but mock others’ suffering loudly and proudly. They become so dangerous for their opposite gender that they begin to consider themselves superior to women, owing to their toxic traits of rigidity. Their cruelty reaches its worst when they start venting their frustrations on women around them.
The toxic culture of domestic violence does not emerge overnight. It is rooted in this mindset. The case of Saira Yusuf, where she was murdered by a boy merely because she rejected his proposal, is an extreme example of this. Killing a woman for rejection is the mindset that emerges from arrogant, toxic masculinity—its seed sown early in childhood. A child who holds back his tears for fear of being labeled weak may grow into a toxic man whose ego lashes out when a woman dares to disagree with him. Every time a woman stands up for herself, such men respond with “not all men”, justifying the crime. This entire situation of women suffering is the extreme result of this mindset.
There needs to be a complete reimagining of how we raise children. We must soften the strategies used to teach young boys how to express their emotions and how to treat others when they see them cry. We must create an environment where they see soft traits in men—traits like expressing feelings, treating women kindly, considering crying a sign of strength, approaching others in crisis, loving and caring for people, offering hugs and support, not making fun of disabilities, respecting everyone despite differences, and showing humility. Children do not learn through instruction alone when they are young —they acquire and imitate what they see. And such an environment will help them develop empathy and kindness naturally.
What we need to do is normalize men asking for human things and stop considering men the epitome of power and strength. Men do crave emotional stability. They do long for heartfelt messages reminding them they matter. They do ask for help. They do need listeners to whom they can vent their feelings. They do crave calmness, compassion, and composure. They do need shoulders to cry on. They do wait for calls and texts. They do seek comfort and care. By redefining how we raise boys, we can build a healthier and more empathetic generation of men who value emotional well-being and treat everyone with respect and love. The world needs kinder men, not powerful ones.
Read: Human Indifference: The Silent Assassin
_______________________
Amit Sukhani, hailing from Mithi, Tharparkar, graduated from Institute of English language and Literature Department University of Sindh, Jamshoro, majoring in Linguistics.
