I saw a man going somewhere in a hurry who was me. My body shuddered. Which one was the real me?
Furqat Alimardon
Sound of footsteps came from outside… I was typing something on my computer. I suddenly got up and looked out the window on the second floor of the apartment building. Downstairs I saw a man going somewhere in a hurry who was me. My body shuddered. Which one was the real me? I didn’t know. A guest in the world but acts as a host or a bustling person who throws himself into the fire every second as if he couldn’t achieve anything without it? Which one I was?
Immediately I went out and followed me. He was moving away about two hundred yards ahead of me and his pace was increasing. As soon as I took a cigarette in order to smoke, I heard high car braking sound. Suddenly I looked at ME who I followed.
Someone was lying on the ground and three or four people were discussing something above him. I ran towards them. When I got there, I saw ME lying dead on the ground with his eyes fixed on me. Oh, pity! I had got too many words I had to say to him. The death…
***
…I’m scared of the dead, graveyards and funerals. I know I should be afraid of the living but I am who I am.
I even went to a funeral to get experience. Yeah, everything was easy. The man who talked and walked was not alive any more. Maybe he was saved from everything, maybe he was caught. However, the facial features of the corpse appeared inside the shroud. When I saw that the corpse was me, I was really surprised. After all, although I was still alive, I was dead. When did I die?!
Confusing thoughts began to come to my mind. From that moment I started to think of myself as a particle. Of others as well. I decided that everything was particle. Because the world is made up of united particles. One day, all things will fall to particles again. What will be left in this infinite universe at that time? How interesting it is…
When the funeral was over, I started to walk to the cemetery. My purpose was another view of the corpse. My fears were no longer alive. I felt an incredible intensity. The sun was already on the horizon and villagers had finished their jobs and gone home. I quickly passed about seven hundred yards to the cemetery. I felt a bit funny reading the sign on the door of the cemetery, “Welcome, the pure-hearted man!” Of course, the first sentence, because… Well, maybe for someone or for everyone, it was a “welcome” to come here. As soon as I went through the door, I saw a bicycle on the ground. However, there was no one else.
I went inside. I was standing on the top of a surrounded land whose soil was still moist. I rolled up my sleeves and started digging into the grave. A moment later, a hand gently touched my shoulder. I looked back slowly. I wasn’t afraid of anything. I didn’t know why. Usually, the human being gets scared on this kind of situation. The fear on me had disappeared somewhere. Suddenly I saw an old man with a white beard behind me.
— Who are you? — I said threateningly. Instead of answering:
— Who are you? A blasphemer who bothers someone’s grave at night? — said he.
— I want to see the corpse. It is very important to me — I said thoughtfully.
— This is impossible, it is prohibited by law as well as Sharia — he started to go. Then I noticed something and a cold sweat came out from my body. There was dead silence for some time. I remembered the note of the entry:
— Why did you write “Welcome” on the entrance door— I asked.
— You will find the answer in your heart. Only pure-hearted people can understand it! — He said. I walked towards the gate. The questions like “How?” and “Why?” kept circulating in my mind.
A voice came from behind, saying “Go well, pure-hearted man!” It was like a lightning strike. “Enough. I will find out about all” I promised myself. I wanted to ask why he looked like me as two drops of water and how he could know whether my heart was pure or not. But now the old man was nowhere to be seen. Oh, pure-heartedness…
***
I like being alone. Sometimes I walk the streets and markets alone. It seems to me that there is something unusual in walking alone. The more alone I walk, the more I realize my inner self. One day I was walking along a big concrete road when I suddenly saw a white paper lying on the ground. I took it into my arms with a curious interest. The words on that paper aroused even more interest. At the same time, I wondered why other people were not paying attention to that paper. Maybe everyone goes anywhere looking into the sky but me…
“The pure-hearted man, I will wait for you at home. I know you will come” was the only note on the paper. I laughed. After all, I thought that someone wrote this out because of his boredom and threw it out of the car window or a student wrote it at lesson and dropped out of his pocket when he got home. But my sense of adventure had won and I started to go to the address shown on the paper. As I was walking along the road, I was in a good mood for some reason. “Living without the norms is also the important part of life. Then we understand how necessary the norms are.” I thought.
Finally, I arrived at the address. Different types of doubts began to come up into my mind. “What if a blackmailer lives here? What if she sticks to me with all sorts of slanders I have never heard of? What if there is a gang of hooligans?” After some time, I assured myself. Slowly I knocked on the door while concentrating my thoughts. “Come on in, the door is open” a woman said from inside. My doubts were reborn. “I’m over” I thought. “This is nothing” I thought again. I took a risk and went inside. A clean house. The first thing I noticed was a deer horn hanging on the terrace wall. Although the horn was made of wood, it seemed to me as a real one. I stood there for a moment before taking off my shoes. “Come in. Why are you so silent?” The woman said again. Unloading my shoes, I came into the room. A large table was decorated with any types of drinks and meals in the middle of the room. It was like a table which I only read about in fairy tales.
– Hello – I said with curiosity. Then I looked at the woman. The woman was about thirty-five, with dark eyes, wide hair and her face was covered with some piece of cloth. I sat down in a chair without asking permission. I was tired of walking outdoors the whole day.
– Are you okay? Why did you put a veil on your face? Why did you write those words on the paper and leave it outside? Is there anything wrong with you? – I said looking at her.
– I knew you were coming! – She said, leaving my questions unanswered.
Thoughts like “there should be something unusual” or “it is just a joke” came to my mind.
– How do you know? – I smiled.
– I knew, because you are my husband! – said she. The answer seemed to me as someone had hit me with a hammer. I couldn’t think anything. I was being slandered.
– How can I be your husband? Isn’t there any other way to earn money? You must have taken these things from your “husbands” before me! – I said angrily, pointing to the things on the table. She said nothing.
– I don’t agree with you as a human being! – I stood up.
– Sit, sit. Where are you going, pure-hearted man? – said she. I laughed.
– Is “pure-hearted” your hunting password? – I said without looking at her.
She silently showed me the picture on the shelf on his back. There were two people in the picture: a man very like me and this woman. I immediately went outside, put on my shoes and ran away. I went to the first restaurant that that I came across. My only purpose was to drink. Maybe I was sick. For instance, the initial state of schizophrenia. Maybe these things were not actually real. Maybe this was because of my sleeplessness in the last days.
I went near the barman. I put my hand inside my pocket but there was not enough money for drinks. I could buy only two cigarettes with the money that I had. The barman who knew my situation asked:
– Have you been resigned, my friend?
– No. I just wanted to drink. I don’t have money though. Give me a cigarette instead, please – I said, handing out the money. He took the money. While giving me two cigarettes, the barman said: “Hah, market economy. If you have money, you live. Otherwise, not. The only thing that is free is in the mosque!” I smiled: “That’s right.”
***
I woke up early in the morning because of the sound of azan. The lovely voice of azan stopped after a while. Suddenly I started to think about religion and prayer. I looked at my phone’s calendar: 03.08.2018. Friday. Friday is a holy day for Muslims. Muslims pray together on this day. Likewise, the Jews come together on Saturday, Christians on Sunday. “Although there is only one God, why it isn’t possible to pray all in one day.” I thought.
So, today is Friday. “Well, I will go to the mosque.” I thought again. “Did I drink yesterday?” No, I remembered that I hadn’t been drinking for a long time because of the pain in my gallbladder.
I drank two cups of tea before going to work. As soon as I got into the bus, I remembered something and lost myself. It had been three days since I left my last job! I hadn’t got any new job yet. “Well, I’ll do shopping until Friday worship” I assured myself. At the bus stop which was near to the bazaar I got off the bus.
I arrived at the bazaar. This was an eastern bazaar that we all know about. Everywhere was noisy. While I was leaving the bazaar after buying some essentials, I paid attention to a woman selling scarves. The scarves seemed so beautiful to my eyes. Then I decided to buy one of them for my wife.
– How much does this scarf cost? – I asked the seller.
– A hundred and fifty thousand! – She replied.
– Why so expensive? – I surprised.
– Made in Turkey. High quality. – The woman explained.
After some talk, I bought it for one hundred and thirty thousand. “My wife will be very happy for this” I thought.
As I walked a little further, I met one of my old friends. He was selling woman-clothing, as though he was a man. After greeting, I showed him the scarf I had just bought. “I’ve bought it for cheap price. Turkish material.” I said. When he saw the scarf, he said: “You have paid at least seventy thousand more for the product! Pity!”
– Why?!
– This isn’t Turkish thing. This kind of scarves are being produced in our own valley. They are selling the best ones for fifty or sixty thousand there. – he told me sadly.
After I said goodbye to him, I got in the bus. As I was leaving, I was thinking about that saleswoman: “She thinks she cheated on me. She will be in some kind of disaster tomorrow and spends all the money she earned form me and others like me who had been cheated. Why can’t everyone understand that no one can eat an extra piece other than their own portion!”
I came home. I gave the scarf to my wife and looked at the clock. Forty minutes until the prayer…
Friday prayers began. As Imam was reading the Sura, I caught sight of him. I don’t know why but I was the same with the Imam. Was I dreaming? I looked at a man who was standing on my right side. We were the same. Then I looked the other sides. Everyone was me. I closed my eyes.
The Friday prayer was over. I didn’t open my eyes as though the Imam was praying. Finally, I got up and walked to the exit door of the mosque. I looked around. Oh my God, everyone was the same. I didn’t know who the original man was but all people of the same appearance were going to one direction to the exit door.
Read: The Earth and Sky –A Short Story from Uzbekistan
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Furqat ALIMARDON was born in 1991 in Kumkurgan district of Surkhandarya region of Uzbekistan. In 2019, a collection of stories called “The Sun Laughs” was published, while in 2024 the short story “Whispered Secrets” and the book “Korakuya” were published. His stories were published in “Yoshlik” and “Mushtum” magazines, as well as in Russian “Camerton” and Ukrainian electronic magazines “Avtograf”.
