The Truth About Why We All Lie. Understanding Deception Through Scientific Research
- Are we all born liars? In a sense, yes. Lying is a natural, often necessary part of human development and interaction.
- But this does not mean we are doomed to deceit. It means we must grapple with the complex role of lies in our lives.
By Abdullah Usman Morai |Sweden
The Universal Lie
Imagine a toddler with crumbs on his face denying he touched the cookie jar. It is innocent, almost amusing. But beneath that tiny falsehood lies a profound truth: we all lie. At some point in life, each of us has twisted the truth, avoided it, or bent it to suit our needs. Whether it’s the white lie to avoid hurting someone, the strategic lie in a job interview, or the deeper self-deception we carry within, lying is an inescapable part of human behavior.
The phrase “Born Liar” sounds accusatory, even harsh, but it raises a deeply psychological and moral question: Are we wired to lie? And if so, is it always wrong? Or is lying a complex tool shaped by context, culture, survival, and emotion? In this article, we explore the psychology, ethics, culture, and consequences of lying through science, real-life stories, and philosophical reflection.
The First Lie: The Developmental Milestone
Children typically begin lying between the ages of 2 and 4. Canadian psychologist Dr. Kang Lee conducted studies where children were left alone with a toy they were told not to peek at. A hidden camera recorded the outcome. Many peeked—and when asked, most lied about it. According to Dr. Lee, this shows that lying is a developmental milestone indicating cognitive growth: to lie, a child must understand that others can hold beliefs different from reality.
Far from being a moral failing, the first lie signals intelligence, theory of mind, and social awareness. It’s the beginning of navigating complex social structures, even if unethically.
Evolutionary Psychology: Is Lying in Our Genes?
Lying isn’t just a social tactic; it’s a survival mechanism. From an evolutionary standpoint, deception may have given humans an advantage. Animals use deception, too—like the mimic octopus that changes its shape to avoid predators. Human ancestors who could deceive enemies or mask weaknesses may have had better chances of survival, reproduction, and protection of their kin.
This is echoed in the work of Dr. Robert Trivers, who introduced the theory of “self-deception,” arguing that we often lie to ourselves first to better lie to others. If we believe our lie, we present it more convincingly. This mechanism enhances deception while reducing guilt.
Why We Lie: The Motivations Behind Falsehoods
Not all lies are created equal. Some are malicious, some are protective, and others are driven by fear or empathy. Here are common motivations:
- To avoid punishment or shame
- To protect someone’s feelings
- To gain an advantage or approval
- To manipulate or control
- To maintain privacy
- To create a better version of ourselves
A job seeker exaggerates experience to secure employment. A partner hides a harsh truth to avoid conflict. A terminally ill patient is told a hopeful lie by doctors to keep up morale. Are all these lies equally wrong?
White Lies and Grey Morals: When Lying Feels Right
White lies—those told to spare feelings or avoid conflict—are generally accepted in society. If your friend asks, “Do I look tired?” and you say, “Not at all!”, you’re likely preserving their self-esteem more than deceiving them.
In some cultures, lying to maintain harmony is not just accepted, it’s expected. In Japan and many East Asian cultures, the concept of “tatemae” (public behavior) vs. “honne” (true feelings) suggests that sometimes, social smoothness takes precedence over blunt honesty.
But where do we draw the line? Philosopher Immanuel Kant argued that lying is always morally wrong, no matter the context. In contrast, utilitarians argue that the morality of a lie depends on its consequences.
Real-Life Dilemma: The Doctor’s Lie
In a well-known case in India, a young woman diagnosed with late-stage cancer was told by her family and doctors that she had a curable condition. She continued treatment with hope, planning her future. When she eventually discovered the truth, she broke down—but also said she was glad she had lived with hope, even if it was based on a lie.
This raises ethical questions: Should the truth always be told, especially when it brings despair? Or can a comforting lie be more humane?
Lying in Relationships: Trust’s Silent Assassin
Romantic and familial relationships are fertile grounds for both white lies and harmful deceit. Couples lie about finances, past relationships, and even emotions. According to a study by Dr. Bella DePaulo, people lie in one-fifth of their daily interactions.
Trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild. One famous case is that of author James Frey, who wrote a memoir, A Million Little Pieces, later exposed as partly fabricated. Oprah Winfrey, who had endorsed the book, confronted him on national TV. His deception cost him credibility and shattered public trust.
Yet, many lies in relationships aren’t malicious—they’re meant to protect feelings. Is it better to be kind or honest? The balance is delicate.
The Lies We Tell Ourselves: Self-Deception and Denial
Sometimes the biggest lies are internal. People lie to themselves about their health, relationships, capabilities, and happiness. A smoker convinces himself he’ll quit next month. An unhappy spouse insists they’re fine. A failed entrepreneur blames external factors.
This self-deception often functions as a coping mechanism. In moderation, it protects mental health. But prolonged denial can prevent growth and healing.
Institutional Lies: Politics, Media, and Marketing
Lying isn’t limited to individuals. Entire systems can deceive. Political propaganda, corporate greenwashing, and false advertising—all are institutional lies with massive impact.
Consider the 2003 Iraq War, justified by the claim that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction. None were found. The lie cost hundreds of thousands of lives and destabilized a region.
In marketing, companies often exaggerate product benefits. Cigarette ads once portrayed smoking as healthy. In politics, leaders often lie to preserve power or manipulate public opinion. These lies erode public trust and weaken democratic values.
Technology and the New Era of Deception
Digital tools have made lying easier and more dangerous. Deepfakes, fake news, and manipulated images blur the line between truth and fiction. Social media allows curated lives that often hide personal struggles.
AI-generated content can mimic real humans, creating false narratives indistinguishable from authentic ones. This challenges our ability to detect lies, and even trust what we see or read.
We’re entering an age where lies are scalable, fast, and global. The question is no longer just “Do we lie?” but “Can we ever know what’s true?”
Can We Be Honest in a Lying World?
Despite all this, honesty remains a revered virtue. Trust is the foundation of relationships, institutions, and civilizations. Most legal systems are built around the expectation of truthfulness—contracts, testimonies, evidence.
Radical honesty movements, transparency campaigns, and whistleblowers like Edward Snowden reflect the human hunger for truth, even at great personal cost. Yet, such truth-tellers often face backlash, showing society’s discomfort with brutal honesty.
The Honest Truth About Lying
So, are we all born liars? In a sense, yes. Lying is a natural, often necessary part of human development and interaction. But this does not mean we are doomed to deceit. It means we must grapple with the complex role of lies in our lives.
Lying can be a shield, a weapon, a bandage, or a trap. It can preserve peace or shatter trust. The moral weight of a lie depends on its intent, context, and consequences.
We cannot eliminate lies, but we can strive for conscious honesty—telling the truth when it matters most, understanding when kindness trumps bluntness, and above all, being honest with ourselves. Because while we may be born liars, we also possess the capacity for truth, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The next time you’re tempted to lie, pause. Ask yourself not just “Is this true?” but “Why am I about to say it?” In that pause lies the chance to rise above instinct and choose integrity over impulse.
And that, perhaps, is the most human thing of all.
Read: I see you, I’m there for you
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Abdullah Soomro, penname Abdullah Usman Morai, hailing from Moro town of Sindh, province of Pakistan, is based in Stockholm Sweden. Currently he is working as Groundwater Engineer in Stockholm Sweden. He did BE (Agriculture) from Sindh Agriculture University Tando Jam and MSc water systems technology from KTH Stockholm Sweden as well as MSc Management from Stockholm University. Beside this he also did masters in journalism and economics from Shah Abdul Latif University Khairpur Mirs, Sindh. He is author of a travelogue book named ‘Musafatoon’. His second book is in process. He writes articles from time to time. A frequent traveler, he also does podcast on YouTube with channel name: VASJE Podcast.
