Manipulation is a behavior designed to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others to one’s advantage.
- Let’s now dive into what manipulation is, who the Machiavellians (manipulators) are, how to spot them, and how to protect yourself from their manipulation.
Aisha Khan
Scenario 1:
Employee: “As per the job description you discussed with me, these tasks weren’t included. Now you are asking to take on more without any discussion.”
Head (smiling slightly): “I forgot to tell you earlier. How does it even matter? You are capable of doing them anyway.”
Employee: “It does matter. The salary I agreed upon based on the JD you provided. Adding more tasks without revisiting the salary is unfair. I’m already overburdened”.
Head (tone shifts, manipulative): “I cannot believe someone at your age is talking about being overburdened. At your age, people work day and night just to get experience. You’re a fresher, no experience, no references — I still gave you a job. Who even were you before this?”
Employee (confused): “I appreciate the opportunity. But you hired me because I was capable, not as a favor. The current workload doesn’t justify the salary. Others here earn the same for less.”
Head (defensive, guilt-tripping): “How dare you say it doesn’t ‘justify’? You are making it sound like I exploit employees. You’re being disrespectful — look at your attitude! If you go elsewhere, no one will hire you with no experience. I offered you more than you deserve.”
(A pause. Silence. The employee, confused and disoriented by the emotional spin, says nothing.)
Head (noticing doubt and confusion): “Look, prove your honesty. After four months, I’ll increase your salary — especially if I give you even more responsibilities.”
Employee: (Silent, unsure, questioning everything — but too overwhelmed to respond.)
Scenario 2:
Her (shaken, voice trembling): “I’m completely stunned. You made commitments with me, but fulfilled them with someone else — something that was supposed to be shared between us. You kept me waiting while fulfilling those with someone else.”
Him (defensive, shocked): “Oh my God! You are so toxic — you were spying on me? That’s so disrespectful. I’ve never investigated what you do!”
Her (firmly): “It is on social media. And there’s nothing to investigate about me, and you already have. I’ve been transparent from day one. You, on the other hand, kept things hidden. You manipulated facts, dodged questions, kept giving me hope — while knowing all along what you were planning.”
Him (angrily interrupting): “Shut up! Watch your tone! Do you even know how to speak to people with respect? You have no manners.”
Her (with tears, remaining calm): “I just want clarity. No blame games. Just honesty for once.”
Him (shifting tone, playing victim, guilt-tripping): “You are attacking me like I’m a criminal. I haven’t slept properly in days. I have skipped my meals, haven’t taken care of myself and nothing in my life is proper right now. And you’re throwing all this at me as if I did something horrible. You have no idea how I’ve been suffering.”
Her (confused and addled): “And still you had time to form a whole new commitment behind my back. How is any of that my fault? I stood by you through everything. You could’ve just been honest. Instead, you wasted my time and trust.”
Him (coldly and angrily): “You’re calling me a liar and a deceiver? You never trusted me, and now you’re blaming me? I’m done with this topic. If you want to talk about something else, fine. But I don’t owe you any explanation. I don’t know why I did this. I need space. I am blocking you.”
Her: (In tears, realizing she’s never going to get the truth. Blocked. Ghosted. Silenced. The silence echoes with the weight of betrayal, lie and dishonesty)
In both given scenarios, neither head nor he offers a straight or honest answer. Rather, they manipulate the victims using tools such as guilt, charm, gaslighting, silent treatment and anger. These are examples of psychological manipulation — a tactic closely associated with Machiavellianism.
Let’s now dive into what manipulation is, who the Machiavellians (manipulators) are, how to spot them, and how to protect yourself from their manipulation.
- What is Manipulation?
According to the American Psychological Association, it is a behavior designed to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others to one’s advantage.
Furthermore, Daniel Jones in his TEDxReno talk said, “Manipulation isn’t noisy or aggressive—it is cold, calculated and masked by charm, with manipulators planning every move strategically to erode your trust over time.” It is not just a miscommunication, it is a calculated emotional strategy used to gain power, control and compliance.
- Who are the Machiavellians — Masters of Manipulation?
Suppose you meet someone. When you met them, you found them totally genuine, loving, trustworthy, and engaging in deep conversations and you both agreed on so much. But as time passes, the same person who claimed to be your support, violates your trust, betrays and lies and you learned that everything was nothing but a façade. That’s when you realize, you met a manipulator.
“Machiavellians or manipulators are highly strategic, emotionless and manipulative the most dangerous. They come with no obvious signs or warnings: they don’t lie to escape trouble, and instead, they lie to create advantage. They build trust slowly, only to exploit it later. They don’t break your heart in a moment; they break your mind over time.” — Daniel Jones, TEDxReno.
Also, noted by Dr. Albert Bernstein in Emotional Vampires, if someone leaves you feeling confused, anxious or emotionally exhausted and that is a pattern — chances are you are dealing with an emotional vampire.
A comprehensive list of manipulator traits combining insights from, Dr. Harriet Braiker (Who’s Pulling Your Strings?), Dr. Albert Bernstein (Emotional Vampires), Dr. Robin Stern (The Gaslight Effect) and broader psychological research on manipulative personalities:
Manipulators often display traits like guilt- tripping, blame-shifting, gaslighting, play the victim (even though they are the actual villain in the story), charming, loving and flattering to deceive, filtering facts, emotional blackmail, passive aggression, entitlement, excessive pride, egocentrism, silent treatment, ghosting, love-bombing, guilt, confusion and criticizing, all designed to confuse, use, control and weaken their target.
Dr. George Simon adds: “Manipulators are covert-aggressors. They fight for what they want while concealing their aggression in ways that leave their victims self-doubting and emotionally worn down.”
- How to Spot a Manipulator: The Patterns and Behavioral Alarm:
Daniel Jones explains how master manipulators operate like expert strategists. They don’t just react, they plan. They carefully weigh the pros and cons of every move, always choosing the path that benefits them the most. And the one who suffers is always the victim.
They don’t just randomly target anyone; they choose their victims with precision. The common targets are kind-hearted, trusting and emotionally honest people. Manipulators speak exactly what their target wants to hear: the promises, the praise, the “loyalty,” and the emotional connection. They create a façade of being the most humble, decent, trustworthy and urbane individual, until the mask starts to slip.
Soon, you will notice a pattern:
o Their words and actions don’t align.
o What they say is something that they never practice.
o What they practice is something you never expected.
By the time this realization hits, the trap is already closed. And just when you try to leave, the manipulator uses their favorite strategies: charm, guilt, anger, love-bombing and gaslighting, to pull you back in. The cycle restarts: emotional confusion, abuse disguised as affection and carefully timed cruelty.
Like in Scenario 1, the manipulative head still needed the employee. So instead of ghosting, the head tapped employee with guilt and charm — offering promises to keep the employee stuck.
In Scenario 2 however, the manipulator knew the victim was fully aware of the game. Charm or guilt would no longer work. So, the manipulator shifted to punishment through ghosting, silent treatment and blocking — a tactic often used to punish, avoid accountability and assert power. Moreover, thanks to technology, manipulators now have tools like “blocking” to vanish without explanation: leaving the victim with a haunting silence rather than closure. And to return like nothing had happened.
In addition to this, whenever you try to hold them accountable — to remind them of what they said or promised, they’ll twist your words, blame something completely unrelated, or flip the script to make you the villain. It is not because they forgot; it’s because they never meant it in the first place. They were never planning to fulfill their words; they were using them to trap, not to honor.
They create a constant sense of guilt — accusing you of things like cheating, disrespect or neglect, just to keep control. Twisting your words and making your memory doubtful, even with proofs, they’ll deny what they said and insist that you are imagining things. Importantly, their promises keep shifting. Their timelines never match and conversations leave you confused and mentally drained.
- Love Can Fix Them — It’s Just a Myth.
A widely believed myth, often reinforced by society, films and novels — says that love, care and patience can fix a manipulative or toxic person. If you are “good enough,” they’ll stop lying, betraying, cheating, or using you. In fact, in return, the manipulator will finally recognize your goodness and become loyal, trustworthy and sincere.
Unfortunately, psychology and experiences tell a very different story. They don’t change because of love, they exploit it. Instead of being grateful, they use your compassion as a weapon against you.
As said by Dr. Harriet Braiker in ‘Who is pulling your strings’? “Manipulators don’t respond to love with change, they respond with strategy.” They use your love, approval, or validation against you — until you begin to question your reality.
So, don’t fall into the trap of “fixing” them. As Daniel Jones adds in his TEDxReno talk, “there’s no ‘fixing’ a master manipulator. The only solution is self-awareness, setting boundaries and maintaining distance.
- How to Protect Yourself from Manipulators?
Daniel Jones tells us some of the ways to protect ourselves:
- Their biggest weapon is your emotions, don’t give them access. Don’t fight emotional battles; instead, craft your responses in a way that maximizes the outcome for you.
- No manipulator has ever fallen to their knees and confessed, “Yes, you’re right, I am a horrible person. Be realistic. They’re never going to admit they’re wrong. Focus on the outcome, not appearances.
- By studying more and understanding their strategic behavior, you can begin to recognize their pattern, if necessary, give them a taste of their own medicine.
- If possible, stop engaging with them altogether. No contact, no access, a complete — disconnect. If they try to contact, make sure not to respond.
- Most importantly, make sure you don’t become the one after dealing with manipulators. “Healing doesn’t mean becoming what hurt you” — protect your integrity and stay who you are.
- Finally
At the end of the story, the person you see — cold, dismissive, detached, a liar and a deceiver, is their real face. Everything before that was a mask: every promise, commitment, confession, or tender word was just a well-crafted lie.
Read: We Use People and Love Things
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The writer, hailing from Hyderabad, Sindh, holds a Bachelor of Science degree in English Linguistics from the University of Sindh, Jamshoro. Currently, her primary focus is on preparing for competitive examinations, driven by her ambition to become a distinguished Civil Service Officer (CSP). Beyond her academic pursuits, she is an emerging researcher, poet, and writer with a burgeoning portfolio of essays and research articles. As a serious reader, she explores various genres from a wide range of English and Urdu literature writers. Additionally, she is serving as a teacher.
