A faint light shines on all that remains unchanged:

The long sofa haphazardly embracing a white quilt,

Your clothes, disheveled, cast over the back of a low chair.

An Qi, an acclaimed poetess from China, shares her poetry  

An Qi was born in Zhangzhou, Fujian Province in February 1969 and currently resides in Beijing. She is a member of the China Writers Association and a standing director of the China Poetry Society. She was honored as one of the “Top Ten Young Women Poets in the New Century” by Poetry Magazine. She has co-edited anthologies such as The Complete Poems of the Middle Generation and Poems of Beipiao (North Drifters). She has published 15 books, including poetry collections and essay collections. Her accolades include the Rougang Poetry Award, the “Top Ten Poets of the Year” and “Top Ten Poetry Collections of the Year” awards from China Poetry Network under Poetry Magazine, as well as the Excellent Work Awards from Beijing Literature and Literary Port. She has been listed twice on the Huadi Literature List · Annual Poetry List.

安琪，1969年2月生于福建漳州，现居北京。中国作家协会会员、中国诗歌学会常务理事。《诗刊》社“新世纪十佳青年女诗人”。合作主编有《中间代诗全集》《北漂诗篇》等。出版有诗集随笔集15部。曾获柔刚诗歌奖，《诗刊》社中国诗歌网年度十佳诗人、年度十佳诗集奖，《北京文学》《文学港》优秀作品奖等。两次入选花地文学榜·年度诗歌榜。

(Translated by Ma Yongbo)

In the Depths of Night

In the depths of night, breathing heavily, you and I

In the depths of night

Pace, in the manner of tai chi—left leg, step, pause; right leg,

Step, pause, the body must stay balanced,

Breath must be steady.

Your thick silhouette, black, like a moving blaze suppressed

In the depths of night.

A faint light shines on all that remains unchanged:

The long sofa haphazardly embracing a white quilt,

Your clothes, disheveled, cast over the back of a low chair.

I must persist,

I stare at you fiercely—I love you,

But you don’t believe it.

In the depths of night, the gas is turned on and off again.

We must find a good excuse for death, yet I don’t believe

Death can resolve grudges.

The greasy kitchen

Confronts the pungent-smelling bathroom—

This is the stubbornness of life.

In the depths of night,

Stubbornness is a kind of cruelty.

I want to give up, want to tell you I love you,

But you don’t believe it.

Toothache hides within the tooth.

The clock ticks.

The sky lightens faintly; the cold of spring lingers still.

Dear, dear—

When I met you, spring arrived,

Yet your habitual silence, like the cold,

Not yet dissipated.

***

在夜的深处

在夜的深处，呼吸沉重，我和你

在夜的深处

踱步，以太极的方式，左腿，迈，顿，右腿

迈，顿，身体要平衡

气息要均匀

你厚厚的背影，黑色，像一座移动的烈火被按捺在

夜的深处

微弱的光照着不变的一切

长沙发胡乱抱着白被子

你的衣服零乱，丢置在不高的椅背上

不能不坚持

我狠狠的凝视着你我爱你

而你不相信

在夜的深处，煤气开了又关

必须为死亡找到良好的借口而我不相信

死亡能够化解恩怨

油腻的厨房

对峙于味道浓厚的厕所

这就是生的执着

在夜的深处

执着是一种残忍我想放弃想对你说我爱你

而你不相信

牙疼隐含在牙里

时钟滴答

天光微亮，春天寒冷尚未消散

亲爱的亲爱的

当我认识你 春天到了

而你一以惯之的沉默像寒冷

尚未消散

***

Cao Xueqin’s Former Residence

During the Spring Festival of 2005, I did two things related to Cao Xueqin:

1. Reading Dream of the Red Chamber for the ninth time
2. Going with Xiao Zhong to Huangye Village to visit Cao Xueqin’s former residence

These two things respectively led to two consequences:

1. While reading Dream of the Red Chamber, I cried when Baoyu left home to take the imperial exam

(Baoyu said, “I’m leaving, I’m leaving. I’ll never fool around again.”)

2. While visiting Cao Xueqin’s former residence, I laughed when I saw the decline of the Cao family

(I said to Xiao Zhong, “The downfall of the Cao family was to fulfill Cao Xueqin.”)

Inside Cao Xueqin’s former residence in Huangye Village

I walked from one room to another,

It was late evening, and the sky was slightly overcast

No other pedestrians around—only a Zhong, an An, and a Cao.

***

曹雪芹故居

2005年春节我做了两件与曹雪芹有关的事

一、第九遍读《红楼梦》

二、和小钟到黄叶村看曹雪芹故居

这两件事又分别引发两个后果

一、读《红楼梦》读到宝玉离开家赶考时哭了

(宝玉说，走了，走了，再不胡闹了。）

二、看曹雪芹故居看到曹家衰败时笑了

(我对小钟说，曹家的没落为的是成就曹雪芹。）

在黄叶村曹雪芹故居里

我一间房一间房地走过，

正是暮晚时分天微微有些阴

行人绝迹，一钟一安一曹尔。

***  

To My Younger Sister

But I have long foreseen that all endings, such as yours, such as mine,

are decided by ourselves.

None of these endings have brought our parents

Beautiful memories of this life.

We are both bad children of our parents; with a series of panics,

We have trained our parents to be as timid as mice.

***

给妹妹

但我早已预知，一切的结局，譬如你，譬如我

都是我们自己决断的

一切的结局，都没能，给父母，带去美好的

关于此生的回忆

我们都是父母的坏孩子，我们用一连串的恐慌

把父母训练得，胆小如鼠。

______________

Read: A Bouquet of Poems from China