Psychology: The Prisoners of Someday

Break out of the soft, seductive prison of someday. The door has been open the whole time.

By Abdullah Usman Morai | Sweden

“Someday is not a day of the week.” – Janet Dailey

The Waiting Room of Life

There is a peculiar kind of prison that requires no bars, no guards, and no sentences handed down in courtrooms. It is a prison constructed from the soft walls of good intentions, the velvet ropes of comfort zones, and the endless echo of one word: “someday.”

Someday I’ll write that book.

Someday I’ll travel the world.

Someday I’ll leave this job I hate.

Someday I’ll tell them I love them.

Someday I’ll begin living the life I dream of.

But what if that someday never comes?

Around the world, countless people live in a quiet state of deferral — postponing their deepest desires, ambitions, and connections, waiting for a better time, more money, perfect clarity, or some mythical sign from the universe that it’s finally safe to begin. Yet, in reality, someday often becomes never, and people reach the end of their lives not full of stories, but full of regrets.

This article explores the psychological, emotional, cultural, and social forces that keep us imprisoned in the someday mindset, presents real case studies of those who broke free (or never did), and offers strategies for living more deliberately in the now.

The Architecture of “Someday”

“Someday” doesn’t start as a trap. It begins as hope — a kind promise to ourselves that we will get to it. But hope, without action, becomes stagnation.

🔹 The Illusion of Infinite Time

One of the primary reasons we stay trapped in “someday” is the mistaken belief that we have time. We assume the door to our dreams will remain unlocked, and that we can walk through it when we’re “ready.” But time is not a loyal friend — it is a river that never pauses.

A 2022 study in Psychological Science found that people consistently underestimate how quickly time passes, especially in their 30s and 40s. As the days blend into routine, life becomes a series of autopilot actions — until a wake-up call arrives.

Case Study 1: The Artist Who Waited Too Long

A man named Farooq, a gifted painter from Lahore, spent his life working as a civil servant to “ensure stability.” Though he loved painting, he always told his family he would “return to art after retirement.” At 60, newly retired and finally free, he bought supplies and cleared a room in his home to create a studio. But within a year, he suffered a stroke that paralyzed his right hand, his dominant one. His dream had waited too long.

In his own words:

“I spent my life feeding my fear, not my fire.”

The Psychology of Delay

Why do we become prisoners of someday?

🔹 Fear of Failure

People often delay action not because they don’t know what to do, but because they fear doing it and failing. The dream remains beautiful as long as it’s untouched.

“As long as I don’t try, I won’t fail.”

This mindset creates a paradox: safety in inaction, but suffering in stagnation.

🔹 Perfectionism and Readiness Syndrome

Many people postpone dreams until everything is “perfect.” But perfection is an illusion, and “readiness” is often a fear of vulnerability wearing a mask.

“When I lose 10 kg, then I’ll start dating.”

“When I finish another degree, then I’ll apply.”

In reality, no one ever feels completely ready. Action creates readiness, not the other way around.

🔹 Cultural Conditioning

In many societies, especially in South Asia, the collective expectation is to follow a linear path: study, earn, marry, raise children, retire, then live. Dreaming outside this script is often labeled irresponsible or selfish. As a result, personal desires are postponed for decades.

Case Study 2: The Woman Who Refused to Wait

Elena, a 38-year-old single mother from Serbia, dreamed of becoming a psychologist. But between her job at a bakery and raising her two daughters, she put it off for years. After a near-death car accident at 40, she decided she could not wait anymore.

She enrolled in a part-time degree. It took her six years. At 46, she opened her own counseling practice — and now helps other women confront their fears and stop delaying their lives.

“Death visited me briefly, and it taught me how to live.”

The Cost of “Someday”

While the prison of someday feels safe, its cost is enormous:

• Emotional stagnation: Constant anxiety, regret, or numbness.
• Loss of identity: We become who others want us to be, not who we are.
• Unlived potential: Ideas that never become real. Love never expressed. Art never made.

A palliative nurse, Bronnie Ware, famously documented the top five regrets of the dying. The most common?

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

When “Someday” Ends Too Soon: A National Case Study

In Pakistan, where many people delay life decisions for economic or social reasons, tragedies often expose how fragile “someday” is. The 2005 Kashmir earthquake claimed over 80,000 lives in seconds. Survivors interviewed by Dawn described how they had waited to apologize, to travel, to forgive — and lost that chance forever.

One man said:

“I told my brother I’d talk to him next week. I buried him before that week arrived.”

What Happens When People Break Free?

Those who escape the someday prison often describe a radical internal shift — not in circumstances, but in perspective.

• They start small: A journal, a call, a single decision.
• They let go of guarantees: Embracing uncertainty as part of life.
• They redefine success: From external achievement to internal fulfillment.

Case Study 3: The Student Who Walked Away

Zulfiqar, a brilliant student from Sindh, dropped out of his MBA program after realizing he was doing it for his parents, not for himself. Against all pressure, he pursued classical music. Ten years later, he is one of Pakistan’s most respected young composers.

“I had to disappoint others in order not to betray myself.”

Practical Strategies: How Not to Become a Prisoner of “Someday”

Here are actionable steps to break free from the cycle:

1. Name the Dream

Write it down. Be specific. Vague desires stay in limbo. Clarity begins freedom.

2. Ask Why You’re Waiting

Is it fear? Comfort? Obligation? Challenge the excuse and question the delay.

3. Take One Small Step

Call the person. Enroll in one class. Save a little. Begin badly if you must — but begin.

4. Rehearse Mortality

Ask yourself: If I had one year left, what would I regret not doing?

5. Declutter the “later” list

Not every desire is meaningful. Prioritize what truly matters and let go of the rest.

6. Surround Yourself with Doers

Energy is contagious. Being around people who act inspires courage.

7. Accept Imperfection

Don’t wait for perfect timing or perfect skills. The best work is rarely perfect, but it’s done.

A Life Lived or Deferred?

Each of us carries a secret list of things we long to do, become, or say. That list whispers to us in quiet moments, in dreams, in envy of others living fully. But if we are not careful, that whisper turns into a eulogy — read silently over a life that never unfolded.

We are not born to wait. We are born to live.

Not tomorrow. Not “someday.

But today.

Break out of the soft, seductive prison of someday. The door has been open the whole time.

Final Reflection Questions

• What am I putting off for “someday”?
• If I knew I had only one year left, what would I begin today?
• Whose dream am I really living — mine or someone else’s?

Read: Speak Only When Asked!

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Abdullah Soomro, penname Abdullah Usman Morai, hailing from Moro town of Sindh, province of Pakistan, is based in Stockholm Sweden. Currently he is working as Groundwater Engineer in Stockholm Sweden. He did BE (Agriculture) from Sindh Agriculture University Tando Jam and MSc water systems technology from KTH Stockholm Sweden as well as MSc Management from Stockholm University. Beside this he also did masters in journalism and economics from Shah Abdul Latif University Khairpur Mirs, Sindh. He is author of a travelogue book named ‘Musafatoon’. His second book is in process. He writes articles from time to time.