Why highly functional people and their families sometimes need both psychotherapy and spiritual practice.
By Jyoti Nadhani
In search of meaning
In my therapy practice, especially here in the heart of Silicon Valley, I meet founders, tech professionals, and high-achieving couples who seem to have it all. Their companies are profitable. Their children are well cared for. They practice mindfulness, attend retreats, and sometimes explore psychedelics.
And yet, privately, they feel overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, and disconnected from the people they love.
They come into therapy saying:
– “I’m doing everything right, but I feel hollow.”
– “I meditate and journal, but the anxiety is still there.”
– “My partner and I love each other, but it’s like we’re on different planets.”
Many call it burnout, but what I often see is something deeper: a disconnection from self, emotional needs, secure relationships, and meaning. And it’s more common than we care to admit.
The hidden cost of high achievement
Many highly functional people are raised to strive. They’re thoughtful, capable, and often the ones others rely on. However, sometimes, from a young age, they learn that love or attention is tied to performance, obedience, or being “good enough.” Emotional distance, criticism, or unspoken expectations may often shape their sense of self.
Over time, they became the dependable ones: the providers, the steady hands in the storm. But underneath, there’s often loneliness, resentment, panic, or a sense of unfulfilment.
What spiritual practice brings to the table?
Spiritual practices offer something many high-functioners quietly long for: a sense of belonging beyond achievement, and a way to connect with something greater than themselves.
Whether through meditation, chanting, silence, nature, breathwork, volunteering, or plant medicine, spiritual practices help people
Find moments of inner stillness in a world that constantly demands more
Connect with a sense of purpose beyond productivity
Soften self-judgment and cultivate compassion
Experience awe, reverence, and surrender
For many, spirituality is the first place they feel held without conditions. It offers relief from constant striving, a way to touch joy or peace without needing to earn it.
What psychotherapy brings to the table?
Psychotherapy may offer high-functioning people an emotionally nourishing space to feel without the pressure to manage, solve, or perform.
Spiritually informed psychotherapy brings a depth they may never have experienced before. It helps them
Recognize patterns of emotional avoidance or over-functioning
Understand why their partner’s feedback feels threatening
Track how the body responds to stress, shame, or disconnection
Identify early relational wounds that resurface in conflict or parenting
In adulthood, early patterns show up as
Never feeling “good enough,” even after success
Harsh self-talk echoing critical caregivers
Difficulty trusting closeness with a partner or friend
A sense of needing to earn love
These aren’t just personality quirks. They’re relational injuries. When left unhealed, they shape how we connect, work, and see ourselves. And without support, they often get passed down through generations.
A combination of spirituality and psychotherapy can help
Spiritual practices can bring deep calm. Often, people say that sitting in silence, chanting, or being in nature helps them feel part of something greater. For a moment, the clouds of anxiety lift, opening the heart and bringing quiet to the mind.
But then familiar arguments resurface. A small criticism spirals into self-doubt. They feel unseen and alone, and sometimes don’t know why.
That’s because while spirituality can soothe the soul, it doesn’t always reach those parts of the mind shaped by early emotional pain, or stress responses like fight, flight, or freeze. Psychotherapy does.
While psychotherapy helps make sense of the past, spiritual practice can help us rest in the present. It reminds us that we are already whole, even as we continue to heal.
One of my clients had a strong meditation practice and attended retreats. But she came to therapy feeling stuck in her marriage. Every time her husband raised his voice, she shut down.
In therapy, we traced this back to her childhood. Her father would yell and withdraw affection when she made mistakes. Her shutdown wasn’t spiritual detachment. It was fear. Her mind had learned to protect her by pulling away. She had never learned how to express herself without withdrawing.
Spirituality gave her strength.
Psychotherapy gave her understanding and a pathway back to a safe connection.
Another client, a young man, described becoming “one with everything” during psychedelic journeys. But in everyday life, he couldn’t sustain a relationship. He felt constantly criticized and inadequate.
Through therapy, he recognized his pain came from growing up with an emotionally absent mother and a perfectionist father. His struggles weren’t spiritual blocks. They were emotional wounds asking to be seen and cared for, not bypassed or escaped.
And yet, therapy alone isn’t always enough.
Another couple I worked with made great progress. They rebuilt trust, co-parented well, and communicated more effectively. But something still felt flat.
They realized they had stopped tending to what felt sacred between them.
They started a simple morning ritual: lighting a candle, reading a poem, sitting in silence, and volunteering together. Slowly, something shifted. A sense of reverence and connection returned.
Spirituality gave them grace.
Psychotherapy offered repair.
Together, they helped them build deeper intimacy.
The integration that heals
Here’s what I’ve come to understand:
Psychotherapy helps us feel what was once too much, name what was never spoken, and carry what we couldn’t hold alone.
Spiritual practice helps us rest in the present, surrender what we can’t control, and remember that we are more than our pain.
One helps us understand the story.
The other reminds us we are more than the story.
A final reflection
If you’re building something meaningful in the world, remember:
The most important thing you’ll ever build is your relationship with yourself and the people you love.
You can be grounded and awakened.
You don’t have to walk this path alone.
You can be both.
You’re meant to be.
Read: Owning Nothing, Gaining Everything
____________________
Courtesy: India Currents
