I came like a jewel that was finally completed through slow nights.

Ms. Ann, Jung-ock, poet and author from Korea, the Land of Morning Calm, shares her poem

Poetess Ms. Ann, Jung-ock, born in Seoul in 1949, graduated from the Department of Creative Writing at Seorabeol University of Arts in 1972, and made her literary debut with ‘World Literature’ in 1990. She received the Seorabeol Literary Award for Newcomers in 1995 and the Aeji Literary Award in 2011. She has published a total of 12 poetry collections, including the 2003 collection titled ‘Am I a Walking Shadow (segyesa)’.

Song of a slow night

There was a day when I did not know that black tears were always hidden in the white things that were not satisfied with anything, and that coldness was hidden behind kindness. I didn’t know that if love was sharp like the tip of a knife, it couldn’t be removed. I also had a darkness that I could not discern. Survive like the Egyptian king who wanted immortality. When I found out, it enveloped me like a black fog.

Time, like a railroad, only extends forward and does not change. This is the edge of love where I don’t even flinch even when an actress who resembles my life cries out on an unfamiliar theater stage.

There is no name anywhere in the world that says, “If it’s love, that’s all.” Sometimes tears of black makeup, even if it goes down the uvula in one gulp, it doesn’t matter,

Even if the rain pours backwards in the deep puddles of my eyes, I gulp.

Did he understand? When fall comes, the whole body is colored with red maple leaves,

While I was tossing and turning thousands of times, my mind was whirling towards the valley as the heavy rain poured down without them noticing. It was raining, and the moisture made the world hazy.

I only found out after staying up all night lamenting that tomorrow would look bruised. The times I have been chasing are like a waterless pond blocked in the middle of the road. There are more doubts erect in my body than he thinks. You go to sleep to forget, but I forget to go to sleep. Love can no longer move.

Who is he desperately waiting for? Does he know that I grew old slowly for him, who would break before I could even say anything, and that I came like a jewel that was finally completed through slow nights.

***

더딘 밤의 노래

안정옥

무엇에도 충족하지 못한 흰 것에는 항상 검은 눈물이 숨어 있음을, 다정 뒤에는 냉랭함이 숨겨져 있음을 모르던 날이 있었다. 사랑이 칼끝처럼 예리하게 꽂히면, 뺄 수 없다는 걸 몰랐다. 식별할 수 없는 암흑도 지니게 되었다. 불멸을 원하던 이집트 왕처럼 살아남는다. 그걸 알았을 때 검은 안개처럼 몸을 감싼다.

시간은 철길처럼 앞으로만 길게 뻗어있을 뿐, 변하지는 않는다. 낯선, 연극 무대에서 내 삶을 닮은 여배우가 울부짖어도 끄떡조차 않는, 사랑의 모서리다.

사랑이면 그뿐이라는 이름은 세상 어디에도 없다. 때로는 검은 화장의 눈물, 꿀꺽 목젖을 타고 넘어가도 아무렇지 않게, 두 눈의 깊은 웅덩이 속에서 장대비로 거꾸로 쏟아져도 꿀꺽.

알았을까. 가을 오면 붉은 단풍으로 온 몸이 물드는 이 연출을, 수 천 번 몸을 뒤척이는 동안, 엄청난 비를 퍼부으며 그들 모르게 골짜기를 향해 마음은 회오리쳤다. 비였고, 그 습기들로 세상은 뿌옇기만 했다.

밤을 새워 내일이 멍들어 보인다고 탄식을 한 뒤에야 알게 되었다. 쫒아온 시간들은 길 한가운데 막아서는 물 없는 연못이다. 그가 생각하는 것보다 더 많은 의구심이 내 몸에 직립해 있다. 당신은 잊기 위해 잠든다지만, 나는 잠들기 위해 잊는다. 이미 사랑은 움직일 수 없고.