The pursuit of self-discovery is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. It is the cornerstone of a meaningful life, a guiding compass in a world that offers countless distractions but little direction
By Abdullah Usman Morai | Sweden
The Quiet Crisis of Identity
In a world wired with constant noise, notifications, and norms, the idea of “finding yourself” can feel like a romanticized illusion or a faraway pilgrimage reserved for poets, monks, and daydreamers. Yet, at some point—perhaps after a heartbreak, a job loss, a graduation, or a midlife realization—many of us confront the same haunting question: Who am I, really? And perhaps more urgently, ‘Am I living my own life, or just fulfilling roles others have written for me?’
The pursuit of self-discovery is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. It is the cornerstone of a meaningful life, a guiding compass in a world that offers countless distractions but little direction. To “find yourself” is not to travel somewhere exotic or follow a rigid spiritual manual. It is the courageous act of pausing, questioning, shedding, and choosing—again and again—until your outer life begins to reflect your inner truth.
This article explores the many layers of finding oneself through real-life stories, psychological insights, cultural lenses, and philosophical reflections, revealing that self-discovery is not a destination, but a dynamic, ongoing dance between who we are, who we were, and who we dare to become.
The Myth of the “True Self”
Let’s start by challenging a common myth: that we all have one “true” self, waiting to be discovered like a hidden treasure. Modern psychology and ancient wisdom both suggest otherwise. Identity is not static—it evolves. You are not the same person at 16, 36, or 66. The self is more like a river than a stone, shaped by the terrain it flows through.
Dr. Dan McAdams, a leading psychologist on identity, says, “We are the stories we tell about ourselves.” This implies that selfhood is not something we discover, but something we create and edit as we live.
Real Example:
Take the story of Maya Ali, a Pakistani woman raised in a traditional household in Faisalabad. For years, she conformed to the roles expected of her: dutiful daughter, obedient wife, silent sufferer. After a painful divorce at 32, she began volunteering at a local literacy center. Teaching women how to read reignited a long-lost passion for education. She went back to school, earned a degree in social work, and now runs her own NGO. “I didn’t find myself in a book or on a mountain,” she says. “I found myself in the faces of women who were, like me, reclaiming their voices.”
Disruption as a Catalyst
Most people don’t begin the journey of self-discovery because they want to—they begin because they have to. Something breaks. Something ends. Something doesn’t fit anymore.
The COVID-19 pandemic was a global pause button. During lockdowns, many people re-evaluated their careers, values, and relationships. This sparked a wave of resignations, career pivots, and relocations known as “The Great Resignation.” While economists focused on labor trends, psychologists noticed something deeper: people were no longer willing to betray their inner truth for external stability.
Case Study:
Ali Rehman, a 45-year-old banker in Karachi, left his high-paying job during the pandemic after a health scare and a friend’s unexpected death. “I realized I was rich in money but poor in time, health, and joy.” Today, he runs a small bookstore and leads weekend hikes. “I don’t have the same income, but I finally sleep well. I feel more ‘me’ than I ever did in a suit.”
Cultural Tension: Between Tradition and Self
In South Asian cultures, individuality is often sacrificed at the altar of family duty, honor, and collective identity. While this communal orientation offers support, it can also suppress self-exploration, especially among women and youth.
Reflection:
Is self-discovery selfish? Or is it an act of deep responsibility—to live authentically, to contribute meaningfully, and to stop passing on unexamined pain?
Real Example:
Shaista, a Sindhi girl from a conservative village near Larkana, secretly began recording podcasts under a pseudonym, discussing mental health, gender, and dreams. When her identity was revealed, she faced backlash—but also support. “My mother cried,” she said, “but later whispered that she, too, once wanted to be a writer.” The generational silence broke open.
Travel, Solitude, and Silence
Leaving your physical environment can help you hear your inner voice more clearly. But you don’t need a passport for this journey—just a willingness to be alone, to unplug, and to reflect.
Henry David Thoreau, the American philosopher, went into the woods not to escape life but to understand it. In his book Walden, he writes, “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately… and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
Real Example:
Zeeshan Khan, an IT consultant from Hyderabad, took a sabbatical at 34 and traveled solo through the Balkans. “I was always surrounded by people but felt unseen. Traveling alone made me meet myself. I learned I’m not as anxious, or as rigid, as I thought. I rediscovered humor, awe, patience.”
The Mirror of Relationships
Sometimes, we find ourselves through the people who reflect our true nature—or challenge us to grow. Healthy relationships can illuminate who we are; toxic ones can distort it.
Psychological Insight:
The concept of the “relational self” suggests that our identity is co-constructed. Who you are around certain people may not be who you are in essence, but it reveals parts of you—sometimes the parts you need to heal or embrace.
Real Example:
Rabia, a therapist from Lahore, says her biggest moment of self-realization came not from a book or retreat, but from her son’s question: “Mama, what makes you happy?” She couldn’t answer. That silence pushed her to rethink everything. “Now I ask myself that question weekly,” she smiles. “It’s my compass.”
Inner Practices: Journaling, Therapy, and Meditation
Self-discovery requires tools, not just thoughts. Practices like journaling, therapy, and mindfulness provide structure for reflection and healing.
Journaling helps uncover patterns and desires.
Therapy gives us language for buried wounds.
Meditation creates space between reaction and awareness.
Even spiritual practices like Sufi meditation (muraqaba) or Buddhist insight meditation can lead one deeper into the self—not to become selfish, but to dissolve ego and awaken presence.
The Trap of False Identities
In the age of social media, people often mistake performance for personality. Likes become a proxy for love. Trends replace values. The danger lies in building an identity that looks impressive but feels empty.
Question:
Are you living for something, or as something?
Real Case:
Hamza, a popular Instagram travel influencer, had a breakdown in Thailand. “I was posting sunsets while feeling depressed. I realized I was building a brand, not a life.” He took a year off, deleted his account, and started therapy. “Now I travel less, but I feel more.”
You Don’t Just Find Yourself—You Choose Yourself
Ultimately, self-discovery is not just about reflection; it’s about action. At some point, you must stop asking “Who am I?” and start declaring, “This is who I choose to be.”
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says, “Every action you take is a vote for the kind of person you want to become.” Your identity is shaped by what you repeatedly do—so practice your values.
The Journey Within is the Journey Ahead
Finding yourself is not a one-time event, a distant mountain retreat, or a hashtag-worthy revelation. It’s an everyday act of courage. It’s a willingness to look inward when the world demands you look outward. It’s choosing honesty over approval, curiosity over comfort, and presence over performance.
The journey may be messy, nonlinear, and even painful—but it is deeply, defiantly yours.
You find yourself not because the world tells you who you are, but because you pause long enough to listen to the whisper that’s been inside you all along.
And perhaps, in finding yourself, you give others permission to do the same.
Read: Cultural Norms and Personal Boundaries
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Abdullah Soomro, penname Abdullah Usman Morai, hailing from Moro town of Sindh, province of Pakistan, is based in Stockholm Sweden. Currently he is working as Groundwater Engineer in Stockholm Sweden. He did BE (Agriculture) from Sindh Agriculture University Tando Jam and MSc water systems technology from KTH Stockholm Sweden as well as MSc Management from Stockholm University. Beside this he also did masters in journalism and economics from Shah Abdul Latif University Khairpur Mirs, Sindh. He is author of a travelogue book named ‘Musafatoon’. His second book is in process. He writes articles from time to time. A frequent traveler, he also does podcast on YouTube with channel name: VASJE Podcast.
