I raised my head up and noticed some dark marks on the wall. I did not remember neither dates nor time. It was like this part of my memory was completely erased
By Dr. Olta Totoni | Albania
DARK MARKS ON THE WALL
It was February when I raised my head up and noticed some dark marks on the wall. I did not remember neither dates nor time. It was like this part of my memory was completely erased, so I struggled to recall the day. In fact, I only remembered the black marks on the wall, stuck in the whiteness. I was at home, comfortably sitting in my armchair without having any clue on what was going on. It was a very cold winter day as the fire was burning in the fireplace, and I finished my cup of tea, completely isolated from the rest of the world. I was alone in the living-room, socially distant from all the people, and the only thing I could do, in these circumstances, was to explore my house and its mysteries.
I saw some books distributed on the floor, a big vase of chrysanthemums in the middle of the table, and some Victorian pictures that decorate the whole house. I could notice everything even the dark marks on the wall that were right in front of me. They were very visible to the human eye, but I was very surprised that I had not seen them before. I was not very attentive to what was happening in the house during that time. It was a busy and hectic life that is why I could not pay attention to the peculiar things that were in my house. Many images passed through my mind while I was staying in that comfortable red armchair, images of kings and queens, castles and knights that invaded my conscience in silence. Those dark marks attracted my thoughts, those tiny marks on the wall that messed up everything. I started looking at them carefully in the distance. Was I afraid to go near them? There was an unknown force that kept me far away. My imagination ran like a child who saw the world with innocent lenses, who saw the world for the first time. However, the tiny marks were there, so I can firmly confirm their presence in the living-room. They were black spots positioned one meter above the fireplace. We were in the living-room the dark marks, me and I. You could see them while you were getting off the stairs, heading through the kitchen and having a glass of wine, British ham and gravy. You could have a glimpse of them while heading to the living room where you could get different books from the bookshelves and read them everywhere around the house. You could just see them because they were real.
It was cold outside as the rain hugged the windows and left watery traces on them. The world was different inside the house. It was very cozy and warm. The light bubble looked like a small moon that was exploring the sky. Now, that the tiny marks were on the wall and I could finally find them, I was not alone. In fact, I was not sure whether the marks on the wall were created by nails. They were getting bigger every second that was passing by. It was a kind of puzzle, a mystery which I was ready to solve as I was isolated in the house, and I had all the time of the world. My thoughts invaded my existence again freely without any control, at all. I was thinking about the colors of humanity and the importance of human connection, nowadays. It is scary how life can change, and we as humans can do nothing about it. We are very powerless.
Can you imagine a looking glass? If it is broken, many pieces get distributed on the floor. They can be small, big, square, triangular pieces that once made up that looking glass.
Look at me! I am here in the middle of my living room surrounded by furniture and books, and I am not able to make any connections with the world. The only thing I can do at this moment, is to look at those marks on the wall which are far away from me. I can see them from different perspectives and dimensions. At the same time, I can hear the birds outside singing songs of glory because they are as free as the air. I am in the cage of loneliness dreaming of dreamy dreams that could set me free. The trees and flowers are flourishing outside, and the ladybirds are decorating the green grass. Nobody has walked in it because everyone is at home, in their own isolation.
We are all isolated between the light and darkness, between despair and hope, between peace and war. As the time progresses, the marks on the wall are visible to the human eyes, they are visible to me. What if they were red like the red roses? In fact, they are not red, they are completely black. The tree in the garden knocked on the window and I woke up by my daily dreaming. My thoughts of isolation and marks on the wall were interrupted by the noise. What a nuisance! I could understand that nature is nature, a weapon of power. I wanted to sink deeply in my thoughts and share them with a sinful world. Thoughts of transformation invaded my mind as many questions about life remain unanswered. I was alone and isolated, but optimistic that this suffering will come to an end.
Can you imagine a looking glass? If it is broken, many pieces get distributed on the floor. They can be small, big, square, triangular pieces that once made up that looking glass. You can see the images reflected by these pieces as you approach them, you could see many pieces of you that come in different forms and shapes. Can you repeat it to yourself ‘this world is like a broken mirror’? Can you say that loudly? Then, you completely forget those marks on the wall. You forget about their existence. Then, you keep wondering if they are snails or spiders. Are they snails? Are they spiders? Yes, the marks on the wall are spiders which I need to remove if I do not want a spider net invasion of my house. A spider net invasion in my own isolation…
Read: Mystic Poetry from Austria
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Dr. Olta Totoni was born in Permet (Albania). She was awarded PhD degree by the Department of European Languages and Cultures at Lancaster University, UK. She is currently the inventor of an innovative form of translation which is the alienese translation fully inspired by two British authors, Anthony Burgess, and George Orwell. She also studied British and American Studies as well as received MSc in Intercultural and Touristic Language and Communication. She has been a Guest Lecturer at the University of Tirana for ten years, taught and, researched English as a Foreign Language. Dr. Totoni is in PeoplePill’s list of notable people in literature (New York). She is a very active scholar and has tried to create a global profile. She has attended trainings, workshops, forums, seminars, courses and conferences in the UK, Italy, Western Balkans, Canada, and USA. She has also experimented with different types of writing: poetry, short stories, newspaper and magazine articles, journal and foreign policy articles mainly related to British and American Studies published in the UK, Western Balkans, the US, France, Mexico, Canada. Dr. Totoni is the author of the book Diary of Time that contains a bilingual collection of articles published in newspapers and magazines. She has translated British literature and, gives a good contribution in this field. She is Political Academy Fellow 2012, Global Acumen Fellow 2014, Elite School of Politics Fellow 2014, IWPG Ambassador 2015, and OYA OP Ambassador 2018.
Received from Angela Kosta Executive Director of MIRIADE Magazine, Academic, journalist, writer, poet, essayist, literary critic, editor, translator, promoter
