What does freedom really mean for women in the world’s largest democracy? The idea of safety, like air, is an invisible but necessary shroud that envelopes and enables women as they go about their lives
By Ranjani Rao
Conflicting times
It’s a time of celebration. It’s a time of conflict. India celebrated its Independence Day last week alongside the breaking news story of the brutal rape and murder of a young doctor in Kolkata. The noise about this particular incident, blame games, conspiracy theories, and references to the Nirbhaya case from 2012 was overwhelming. And while I was processing my feelings about it, Raksha Bandhan posts on my social media feed began to appear on my feed.
It’s ironic, isn’t it? The juxtaposition of what a nation’s freedom means in the context of the reality of women’s lives and freedoms which are defined and demarcated by their relationships with men!
Not really equal
When I was nine years old, I was chased by an angry cow while walking to the bus stop on my way to school in a suburb of Mumbai (then Bombay). With a torn uniform and scraped knee, I returned home in tears. The next day I refused to walk to the bus stop alone. My father would escort me and wait until I boarded the bus and waved to him; I was happy to have his company and secure in the cocoon of his love and protection. This became a long-term arrangement that continued until I was 13 years old and finally ready to take public transport to school, just like my brothers.
It wasn’t until much later that I thought about my two brothers – one older, one younger – who went to a school much further from our home than my own and had started riding the bright red BEST buses when they turned ten. Perhaps the episode with the cow and my resultant fear had delayed my rite of passage. Perhaps my parents would not have expected me to take public transport at ten regardless of the cow incident. Was I given special dispensation because I was a girl? I can’t get the answers to these questions now since my parents have passed on.
The idea of safety: A shroud that envelopes women
The truth, however, was that I felt safe knowing that a responsible adult was accompanying me. While it was a temporary fix, it helped restore my confidence in my ability to do things on my own. Over time, I learned to travel alone and ventured into the metropolis of Mumbai in my teens. At twenty-two, I also became the first person in my family to move to the U.S. and found my way to graduate school in downtown Baltimore.
Yet, the idea of safety, like air, is an invisible but necessary shroud that envelopes and enables women as they go about their lives.
On safety and protection
In a recent Instagram reel, journalist Faye D’Souza clarified the distinction between safety and protection. Safety means “the ability to live out the full potential of our lives without fear.” She likens the lives of women to rabbits in a lion’s den – the constant watchfulness, the hypervigilance that is essential for them to simply survive the day. She goes on to say that “protection” offered to women, often as a by-product of patriarchy, is akin to an award conferred on prized possessions, typically by family members.
The Constitution fundamentally considers men and women equal, yet our lives are anything but equal. The ubiquitous state of stress that women go through when they discuss, debate, and decide whether to accept a job that demands long hours, whether to attend a late-night office dinner or go on a business trip where they return home at midnight, is not just “women’s problem.” It affects not only their families but also the contribution that women can make to society. Not surprisingly, women pass on this stress to others, by putting the onus on others to ensure their own safety. Concerns of safety also inadvertently influence their career choices, and everyday decisions, thereby limiting their lives.
What women need?
Every year I send rakhis to my brothers. The rakhi is believed to be a symbol of the bond between brother and sister, a shared connection, a mark of protection. What was once a celebration held in our childhood home has now become an annual reminder across the three countries where my siblings and I reside!
Read: They march – A Poem from Kolkata
Notwithstanding the emotional connection, given the physical distance between us, the only kind of protection that I can expect from my brothers is notional. Yet, if I think back to our early years, my sense of safety developed not from the mere fact that I had two brothers but from knowing that I was treated as an equal in our family. In fist fights and intellectual debates, we fought hard, argued endlessly, and steadfastly held on to our beliefs. We demanded better from each other and that made each of us strong. And when foundations are strong, you can reach higher.
Raise boys to treat women as equals
I participated in a candlelight vigil for Nirbhaya and enrolled my daughter in self-defense classes. We try to teach our girls to defend themselves but rarely educate boys and men to respect women as equals.
The current situation in India requires more than protests from women. It requires urgent action from every citizen to reinforce the fabric of our society with threads of equality. In the years since the Nirbhaya incident, it is clear that relying on politicians and judicial systems is not enough to change the on-ground reality of women’s lives.
We try to teach our girls to defend themselves but rarely educate boys and men to respect women as equals.
What can we do then?
Every person needs to work towards creating a safe environment – at home and at work.
Encourage equity and equality at home. Discuss your experiences at school, at work, and while commuting. Brainstorm solutions for your daily problems. Take steps that you can take to make your little circle of influence safer.
Whether you are an employer, a co-worker, or a trainee – speak up at your workplace to make it safer for everyone. Whether that involves increasing the security of your establishment, implementing policies, or taking strict action against offenders, demand more from yourself and others. Step in when you see microaggression. Call out bullies, misogynists, and abusers. Build a strong foundation for the nation that is built on equality. Make safety a priority.
Societal change can happen in a meaningful way when each of us becomes an agent of change. A safe society in which everyone can live out their full potential without fear can become a strong nation that can lead the world.
Read: When the candles flickered in darkened streets of Kolkata
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Courtesy: India Currents (Posted August 27, 2024)
